Broken
by LadyExcalibur2010
Summary: Bella never jumped from the cliff, but that doesn't mean she isn't broken. Rated M for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. I don't make any money from my naughty little stories. Sad day.

Title: Broken  
Author: LadyExcalibur  
Genre: Extremely AU and just for naughty fun, takes place three years after most of the events in New Moon. Bella never jumped, but that doesn't mean she isn't broken.

**BROKEN**

They were in Alaska again, though not in Denali. Tanya's efforts to "distract" Edward had proven uncomfortable and persistent and he had insisted on leaving. The rest of the Cullens were happy to go with him. Tonight they found themselves on the streets of Juno. Edward was suspicious, since his brothers had been most carefully thinking thoughts they knew Edward did not want to hear. Gladly, he had skipped out of their minds.

Then they stopped and Edward finally read their intentions. He suppressed a groan, deciding that this was a new low – or perhaps high – in their machinations. Edward rolled his eyes when he saw where his brothers were taking him. Glancing at Emmett, Edward asked, "Are you kidding me?"

"Come on," Emmett urged while Jasper grinned. "It'll be fun. "

"And what would Rose say about this?" Edward asked slyly, his hand already closing around the cell phone in his pocket.

Emmett laughed. "Oh, it was her idea, so I'm guessing she's okay with it."

Edward sighed, seeing there would be no help from_ that_ quarter. He looked at Jasper in a last-ditch effort to avoid the evening's entertainment. "And Alice?" Perhaps all hope was not yet lost.

"Who do you think picked the club?" Jasper asked with a wicked smile. He put his arm around Edward's shoulders and dragged him toward the door.

For the past three and a half years, ever since they had left Forks, his brothers had made it their sole mission to keep Edward entertained. And if not _entertained_ exactly, then so busy and distracted that he had less time to brood. Their efforts ranged a wide variety of activities – from ridiculous paint ball guns (Jasper was the best marksman while Emmett was the sneakiest opponent, even given Edward's obvious advantage) to skydiving. While the skydiving had been different, it had lacked the edge for him that the humans seemed to feel while jumping. After all, a vampire was hardly likely to die, even if a chute failed to open. There was no adrenalin rush. Still, it had been a different way to pass the day.

Though his family tried hard, nothing really took Edward's mind from Bella. Even while engaged in other activities, a part of his mind – and all of his heart – was back in Forks, firmly in the grip of a young, clumsy human girl.

Sighing, thrusting away yet more thoughts of her, Edward took a moment to try and appreciate the evening's agenda. "The Diamond Dust?" he asked Jasper in a whisper.

"The Diamond Dust: A _True_ Gentleman's Club," Jasper corrected with a smirk.

"Oh for the love of all that's holy," Edward muttered as his brothers dragged him toward the bouncer. "This is beyond-"

"ID?" The bouncer asked in a bored voice.

Edward produced the very authentic looking identification card that verified he was indeed twenty-one years old. Emmett and Jasper did the same. The bouncer looked at Edward twice, then glanced at his ID for a long moment and finally gave a shrug. /Who cares? At least the kid's got decent ID./

They paid the hefty cover charge and were waved through.

Grinning at his brothers, Edward moved into the dark confines of the club. He winced at the music, which was both too loud and too bass. "Not very good acoustics," he noted.

"Edward, only YOU would comment on the acoustics when you're surrounded by naked tits," Emmett said with disdain, giving the girls on stage a smile of approval. Three of them, remarkably pretty and fresh looking, were gyrating on a raised platform in various stages of undress. Edward tried desperately to look everywhere except on the stage. Jasper seemed a bit shy (Edward was picking up the thought that he wished Alice was with him), but Emmett appeared to be enjoying himself immensely. No doubt he would later give Rose a rundown of the evening, minute by minute, and recreating Edward's look of discomfiture.

Rose would laugh herself silly for a month.

Jasper looked toward the girls. "I see why it costs so much to get in," he remarked. "The girls are actually good looking."

"I don't want to know how you're such an expert," Edward retorted. "And does Alice know about your unfortunate proclivities?"

Jasper smirked. "Why yes she does. She's even accompanied me a time or two." There was a wicked gleam in his amber eyes and Edward caught the ghost of a thought that he most definitely would have a hard time forgetting.

"I always knew she was a bad influence," Edward noted, wincing at Jasper's particularly vivid – and sexual - memory.

"Thank God!" Jasper replied.

Emmett tugged at Edward's arm then, indicating a small table tucked into a dark corner. Edward retreated there with gratitude, having been fairly certain that Emmett would insist on sitting at the chairs lining the edge of the platform upon which the girls danced. A waitress, who had apparently forgotten to get completely dressed, took their drink orders. The drinks were all part of their camouflage, of course, and besides, a two drink minimum was required. The waitress eyed the three of them and then gave Edward an extra warm smile.

Though he tried to block out her thoughts, he learned that she had failed to make enough tuition money for the semester (and her mom had even less money than SHE did, so there would be another semester lost!) and was a little bit worried that one of her clients might be waiting outside the club tonight. He'd been getting pushier with his attentions and she was beginning to get scared. He also heard, to his embarrassment, that she thought he was sexy and she wouldn't mind so much if HE waited outside the club for her tonight.

"This place is depressing," Edward grumbled.

"How can you be depressed with beautiful naked girls around you?" Emmett asked in disbelief. He frowned as he studied his brother. "Are you sure you're not gay?"

"Very funny," Edward muttered.

"No, I'm just saying, if you are, that's fine." Emmett nudged Jasper. "We'd understand right? I mean, so you don't like boobs, maybe you like…" He wriggled his eyes brows and let his pectoral muscles dance beneath his tight shirt.

"Emmett," Jasper hissed.

"What'd I say?" Emmett asked, clearly confused.

Edward sighed and shook his head. "No really, guys, it's all right." It wasn't as if Emmett's words had brought Bella to mind. She was already there, _always_ there. He had come to accept it as a permanent condition.

The music changed the girls on stage left, moving to a small curtain to the right of the stage. Edward blocked out the obnoxious voice extolling the attractions of the next group of girls and wondered how long he would have to stay before he could leave without hurting his brothers' feelings. Probably not soon enough. Then he glanced at their waitress and promised himself he'd be waiting, out of sight, outside the club tonight. And if her overzealous admirer was there, Edward would do what he could to dissuade the man. That would solve one of her problems at least.

The music was still loud, still raucous, still annoying.

He had been concentrating on the waitress so hard that it took a moment for Jasper's and Emmett's thoughts to penetrate.

They were both thinking the same thing. The same word.

Edward turned automatically, following the direction of their gazes. At first, he saw nothing out of the ordinary. Two blondes and brunette were dancing. One of the blondes was already topless, the other might as well be. The brunette was shimmying a skirt down her slender hips to reveal a g-string. Her hair was long and swaying in time to the movement of her hips. Every movement was alluring, seductive, somehow masking the fact that she wasn't _truly_ graceful, not that the dance required any particular skill. It was a strange dichotomy. Perhaps her grace came from the elegance of her limbs or the easy swing of her hair around her as she moved.

He looked up to see her face. She was young, heavily made up, and seemed disconnected from her body somehow. She danced, she smiled, she lured men to her, but she wasn't really there.

And then Edward realized why both Emmett and Jasper had been thinking the same thing, the same _name_.

"Bella?" he whispered. He got to his feet, ignoring the hands of his brothers as they tried to hold him in his seat.

Slowly, he walked toward the stage, and the pounding bass rhythm of the music seemed strangely like a heartbeat, coming up through his feet to thunder in his chest. It got faster and faster as he got closer, as if his own heart was suddenly beating again, almost as if he was alive again.

Almost.

Then he was there, less than an arm's reach away from her. Her back was to him and he wondered what she'd say. Why was she here? What had happened to bring her to this place? This life?

Then she turned with a fragrant sway of her hair and the thirst ripped through him. God, she still smelled like temptation. Her eyes met his. No surprise in her gaze. No shock. No hurt. No joy. Nothing. Just that awful blankness he had seen in the other women's eyes.

"You got cash, buddy, or you are just gonna stand there?" Her tone was challenging and inviting at the same time.

He was unable to speak. It was_ her_ voice, but not her eyes. This woman's eyes were dead.

"Listen, handsome," Bella said. "You're blocking the view of my paying customers." She gave her hips a little extra wriggle as if to invite him to put some money in her g-string.

It was Bella, of that he was certain. He was also sure of one other thing, though how it was possible he did not know.

She didn't recognize him, not at all.


	2. Chapter 2: New and Improved Bella Swan

**___________Chapter 2: The New and Improved Bella Swan____________**

Edward felt his brothers tugging at his arms, pulling him away from the stage – from Bella. He saw her look at the bouncer and the bouncer moving toward them. He _saw_, but he did not comprehend. None of it made any sense. Then Emmett and Jasper took advantage of his shock, his distraction, and pulled him out of the club and escorted him to the sidewalk, never letting go of his arms.

"Edward," Emmett said in a low, urgent voice. "Get hold of yourself, man."

"You're not going to help anything by rushing back in there," Jasper added, catching Edward's eyes and holding his gaze. Edward felt a wave of peace rush through him, and even though he struggled against Jasper's power, there was no denying it. Jasper was simply too strong.

"Come on," Emmett urged, still keeping his hand locked around Edward's bicep. "We need to go now."

"But-" Edward started to protest, even as Jasper sent yet another surge of calm through him. "Damn it, Jasper, stop doing THAT!"

Jasper merely shook his head and helped Emmett move Edward farther away from the club.

"This ain't the time or place, big brother," Emmett reminded him pointedly. "We'll come back. We'll get answers, I promise. But right now we need to move."

Edward gazed at his brothers for a moment and then gave a reluctant nod of agreement. "Tonight," he said. "We come back tonight."

"Agreed," Jasper said quietly.

"I want to call Carlisle," Edward added as they began walking toward their car.

"We'll talk to him when we get home," Emmett promised. "It'll only be a few minutes. Just chill."

"But we're coming back here tonight," Edward reminded him.

"Yeah, yeah," Emmett said. "I said we would and I meant it."

"Okay," Edward muttered as he slid into his seat. Emmett was driving, which was good because Edward was not quite sure he up to the task. His entire body felt as if it was on fire. Bella's scent rose up in his memory, but the flames that burned him had nothing to do with bloodlust. He merely wanted to pull her into his embrace and feel her softness pressed up against him. He needed to lose himself in her.

He had missed her every day, longed for her every moment they had been apart. And she didn't even _remember_ him.

What had happened? _How_ had it happened? What did it mean?

"Carlisle!" He was yelling, though there was no need. Alarmed, Carlisle and Esme came rushing into the foyer.

"What's wrong?" Carlisle asked, glancing at the face of each of their sons.

"It's Bella," Edward began explaining in a rush.

"We…found Bella," Jasper explained.

"But she isn't herself," Emmett added with a shake of his head and grin. "Not at all."

Edward resisted the urge to smack his brother in the back of the head. Barely.

"What do you mean?" Carlisle asked. Alice walked up behind Esme and frowned.

"Oh…" Alice murmured, her eyes looking distant for a moment. She turned toward Edward. "I suppose you're going back tonight?"

"What choice do I have?" Edward snapped. Then he took a deep breath. "I have to, Alice."

"Let me go with you," Alice offered. Jasper shifted on his feet, his expression concerned. She smiled at him. "I'll be fine, Jazz. You know that."

"I don't like the thought of you there," he said softly.

Alice rolled her eyes and laughed. "Please, I can take care of myself. Besides, it's just a strip club."

"A STRIP club?" Carlisle asked.

Emmett grinned. "I'll explain…"

Two hours later, Edward was huddled in the shadows of the alley behind the club, waiting for the doors to open. Alice, Emmett, and Jasper were with him. Rosalie had only rolled her eyes when they invited her. She had been more than glad to get Bella Swan out of their lives and had no desire to see her again. Carlisle and Esme had told him to try and figure out what was going on and, as they had pointed out, too many of them approaching her could scare her off.

The door finally opened and the waitress was the first one out. Edward heard her concern as she looked around, waiting for her "admirer" to show his face. Jasper took a step forward. "I'll get this," he whispered, too low for the girl to hear. Carefully staying in the shadows, Jasper stood ready to intervene if needed, but no one was waiting for the girl tonight, sending a wave of peace toward the human. She smiled slightly, shrugged her shoulders, and continued walking.

The thought of someone, _anyone_, waiting outside the club for one of the women to exit… Edward shuddered. What if it was Bella who was his intended victim? He found himself glad of the excuse to return tomorrow night, if only to make sure that the stranger remained unharmed.

Two more women left and then…

There was Bella. He heard Alice gasp beside him, felt her shock at seeing Bella again. Without thought, Edward reached for Alice's hand and together they watched her.

Bella looked more like herself now, the heavy make-up had been wiped away and she wore jeans and a t-shirt along with tennis shoes. She might have been dressed for a day at Forks High School. If one didn't look in her eyes, she didn't look any different. Her eyes gave her away, however. She had seen too much to be that girl again. Edward watched her hungrily, anxiously. It _was_ Bella, but what had happened to her?

He could only hope that Carlisle would have some answers for them when they returned. Though Edward had promised himself that he would not speak to her again yet, he found himself moving out of the shadows, ignoring Alice's hissed protest.

"Bella?" he asked and Bella turned sharply to look at him.

She stared at him for a moment, frowning. "You're the guy from inside," Bella finally said. She heaved a sigh and shoved her hands in her pockets. "Listen, I know you guys think that we're for sale after hours too, but I only dance. What you saw in there is all you're gonna see."

Edward tried to tamp down the fierce sense of relief her words evoked in him and pasted a reassuring smile on his face. "No," he said softly. "That's not why-" His pose mirrored hers, his shoulders hunched, and his hands in his pockets. "You look like someone I know." He shook his head. "No, that's not right. You _are_ someone I know." He looked at her closely, smiling crookedly. "That sounds like a terrible come on, doesn't it?"

Bella's lips twitched. "No, it sort of makes sense."

Now that was interesting. Perhaps the answer to the mystery was a bit closer than he'd realized. "I'm glad it makes sense to one of us," Edward told her with a slight grimace. "Because I'm totally confused."

Bella's hand came up to brush back her hair and Edward saw a small scar that began on her forehead and seemed to move up into her hairline. She saw him looking. "Cracked skull," she said with a shrug. "Tends to fuck up things like memory."

Edward was shocked to hear the profanity pass her lips. The Bella he had known would have never used such a word so casually. He frowned at her. "But you're okay now?"

She thought about that for a moment and gave another shrug. "If you were to talk to my Dad, then no, I'm not all right." She smiled at him. "But I'm okay with who I am now. It's all I remember really. So I don't miss the old me. Make sense?"

"Kind of," Edward admitted.

"So…" she murmured. "We knew each other, huh?"

"You might say that," Edward replied.

"Oh, that sounds interesting," Bella said and a smile Edward had never seen on her lips appeared. She sauntered in close and put one hand on his chest. "Were we…very _good_ friends?" Something suggestive lurked in her tone and Edward fought against the surge of lust that raced through him. This was a new Bella, someone he had never met before. This Bella was quite sure of her sexual appeal, not at all shy or uncertain. And Edward liked it. Very much. _Too_ much.

"I suppose we were," Edward answered, his voice husky. He closed his eyes as an image came to him – pressing this new Bella against the wall and simply taking her, thrusting inside of her as he had always wanted to do. She seemed less fragile, this new Bella. There was a core of steel in her that had not been there in the other Bella.

She was a survivor now; she had made a life – such as it was – of her own. The Bella he had known had needed him, and he had left her. This Bella needed no one. This Bella had walked away from the safety and security of Forks to… To do what? Take off her clothes for men who paid her?

Then she stepped back, her expression hard. He had never seen that look on her face either. "Well even if we played bump and tickle in high school-"

"We didn't-"

"…doesn't mean I'm gonna fuck you now, pretty boy." Then she tilted her head and studied him. "Though I must say I had very good taste."

She adjusted the strap of her small bag on her shoulder and winked at him. "You should probably run home to your mommy, pretty boy. I'm sure she's wondering what her baby boy is doing out in the big city right now." Bella laughed, a throaty, sexy sound that had Edward's body tightening. "And I'll bet you're her pride and joy, her college boy. She probably doesn't want you messing around with a girl like me anymore, does she?" Bella turned abruptly and began walking away. Her voice carried over her shoulder. "Come back and see me when you're all grown up. Maybe we can revisit old times."

Then she was gone, and Edward was left staring after her.

He was only vaguely aware of Emmet and the others moving in behind him. "Who the _fuck_ was that?" Emmett asked in a stunned voice. "And where were you hiding her three years ago?"

"That's the new Bella," Edward answered.

"Well hot damn," Emmett muttered.

"Shut up," Edward snapped.

"I'm just saying…"

"Well don't," Edward forced the words out through gritted teeth.

Emmett did not speak again, but the thoughts inside his head were enough to make Edward's fists clench.


	3. Chapter 3: Old Friends

**___________Chapter 3: Old Friends ____________**

Bella let herself into the apartment with a sigh of relief, sagging against the door after she engaged the locks. She rested there for a moment, just savoring the peace and quiet of her own space.

Then she sighed and yanked her cell phone out of her pocket. First things first. Hitting a key, she heard Shauna's voice even before the phone had a chance to ring. "You're home okay then?" Bella asked.

"Yeah," Shauna laughed. "It was the weirdest thing. I was all upset and then suddenly, I just knew it was gonna be okay. I'll bet he never comes back."

Bella laughed. "You're such an optimist," she accused.

"That's me," Shauna admitted. "Besides, one of us has to be."

"Good night," Bella said softly.

"Night."

Tucking her phone back in her pocket, Bella went to the refrigerator and pulled out a Coke. As she popped the tab, she thought about the young man who had been waiting for her in the alley. He had known her, well, the_ old_ her, the Bella Swan even Bella didn't remember. As had happened so many times before, Bella strained to remember him, remember SOMETHING. And as always, there was simply nothing there; she ran straight into the familiar wall.

Closing her eyes, she shook her head.

Suddenly, a longing came over her and she knew exactly what she wanted, what she needed. Taking her phone out again, she quickly dialed a number from memory. Two rings later, there came a husky, sleepy voice. "Bells?" Immediately she felt some of the tension leave her.

"Hi, Jake," she said. "Listen, I'm sorry I woke you. I forgot how late it was. I'll-"

"No, no," Jake said and she could actually hear him waking up, becoming more alert. "Are you okay? You aren't due to call for two days." She heard the alarm in his voice and hastened to reassure him. She called Jake once a week and he, in turn, reassured Charlie that she was alive and well. No one from Forks knew exactly where she was; the only way to get in touch with her was her cell phone. Jake was her lifeline, her contact with the old Bella's world.

"No, I'm fine," she said quickly. "I was just…just missing you." And that was true. She h_ad_ been missing Jake. Of course, she always missed Jake, but not enough to endure the pain of living in Forks, where she always felt both incomplete and incorrect. No one there liked the Bella she had become. No one except Jake.

There was low laughter and Bella felt herself smiling in spite of her bad mood. Jake always did that for her. She settled down in her favorite chair with a sigh of sheer relief. "That's a very good thing, Bella," Jake said softly. "I've missed you too." And just like that, Bella fell into the warm, comforting place that was Jacob Black.

He said the same thing every week, and every week she felt the same combination of joy and guilt. She knew, deep in her heart, that she should let him go completely. He was a great guy – funny, caring, good-looking, and sweet. The girls around Forks had noticed. But Jake kept holding out hope that one day she would come home…to him.

And she knew that would never happen. Jake was too good for someone like her. He might have been the perfect guy for the Bella who had been, but not this one, not the Bella who _was_.

Leaning back in the chair, Bella closed her eyes and imagined him sprawled in his bed, his chest bare, his long, dark hair spread out on his pillow. He'd be nude, and that big, warm body would be taking up the whole bed and then some. Another longing swept through her, this one more visceral and physical. Jake had been her first, and in many ways, he had been the only one to truly touch her in a way that went beyond sex.

Jake was, and always would be, her best friend. Even after the accident, he had been there for her. When everyone else looked at her like she was freak – or even worse, insane - when she couldn't face the disappointment and worry in her father's eyes for another single moment, there had been Jake. He hadn't made her feel as if she was a failure when she couldn't remember; he never made her feel awkward when she didn't react like the old Bella would have.

He had simply held on to her and loved her through every terrifying moment of learning to be Bella again. Jake had put her back together. The pieces didn't match anymore, but that wasn't his fault. That was simply fate.

"I ran into someone today," she said, surprising even herself. She had not meant to share that with Jake. He was just too easy to talk to sometimes and there was something about the stranger…

"Oh?" There was something a little more than idle curiosity in his voice. "Male type someone or female?"

"Male," Bella replied. She paused. "He said he knew me." Then she paused. "But you know, he never said it was from Forks. Maybe he knew me from Phoenix…" That was certainly possible, she mused, but somehow it didn't feel right and besides, she didn't see how anyone could have forgotten that face. Well, except_ her_, she thought with a flash of dark humor, but even then it took a brain injury. "But I don't remember him." She frowned. She remembered Phoenix, just not the year or so before the accident. So no, it had to be Forks.

There was a longer pause on Jake's part. "Really…"

Bella blew out a breath. "Never mind, I'm sure I'll never see him again." But even as she said the words, she knew they were a lie. She had a feeling that the college boy with the mesmerizing face would show up again. And she tried very hard not to get excited at the thought.

"What did he look like?" Jake asked with an edge to his voice.

"Nothing special – brown hair, dark eyes," she answered, not even knowing why she was unable to tell Jake the truth. /He had gorgeous bronze hair that looked too soft to be real, and his eyes were black. I felt like I was going to fall into them and never find my way out. He had the body of a god and the face of an angel…/ No, she wouldn't hurt Jake like that. He always tried to pretend that she didn't console herself with a willing embrace now and then.

"Oh," Jake said again, sounding more relaxed. "Must have been someone from high school or something."

"Yeah, he looked younger than me," Bella said. "He was probably a freshman or something when I was a senior," she added dismissively. The accident had happened just two days after graduation, and by the time she was aware of things almost everyone from her graduating class had moved on, in one way or another. Besides, she hadn't remembered any of them anyway. But Jake had been there every day, in the hospital. They quickly made new memories to fill the gaps left behind.

"Age isn't everything, Bella," Jake teased her. "Maybe he was a secret admirer or something."

"I'm surprised he recognized me."

"You still look the same Bella," Jake said softly. "You're the still the same Bella, in every way that matters."

And that was why she needed him. He kept her moored to the earth, kept her connected to all the parts of her that didn't make sense anymore. "Night, Jake," she said after a moment. "And…thanks."

"Any time, Bells," he answered. "You know that."

When she hung up, she was smiling.

The smile faded when she thought about the encounter with the handsome young man again. He had told her that they had never been intimate, but she already knew that. Jake had taken her virginity. She remembered _that_ quite clearly, in all its awkward, stumbling glory. That had been the new Bella. It had been sort of a test, she admitted. And he had passed – with flying colors. He had not tried to hint at any sort of sexual history and had, in fact, been shocked when _she_ did.

She recalled his dark eyes opening wide with surprise when she had asked if they had been "very good" friends. It had been almost cute, the shocked look on his face. Suddenly, she giggled. He had probably been just a child when she left Forks and she had given him an interesting story to share with his buddies. He could tell them how he had run into Bella Swan - the good girl turned whore.

The laughter vanished.

She wasn't a whore. In fact, she had probably had fewer partners than some of her classmates who had gone to college and majored in Partying 101. But the fact remained that she had woken up from her coma with missing memories – absolutely nothing from the year before the accident. She had also awakened to discover a raging thirst for anything that was dangerous, reckless, or unconventional. She _wanted_ that the thrill of taking a risk, doing something foolish and reckless. It made her feel alive.

The good girl had become the wild girl. Her behavior had concerned her father at first, and then it had angered him. Finally, he had given up on her. Nothing had kept her at home and out of trouble. In the end, it had become an embarrassment that the police chief's daughter was usually at the center of any scandal. Not that she'd hurt anyone but herself, but even Charlie's patience had finally worn thin. Bella had a need to indulge in risky behavior. She had already cheated death once. Why not again? And if death won the next round, then was it really any great loss to anyone? So she had continued to push the boundaries of safety and society's rules.

Along with the memory loss and the drive toward reckless behavior, she had opened her eyes for the first time looking for something…for _someone_. And when she hadn't found him, she had locked up that part of her, knowing that she could never let anyone get too close again. It had almost killed her; she knew that much even though she could not recall the details.

And she would never make herself that vulnerable again. She had closed a door that she would never open again.

Because if she did, she would die.

Carlisle's expression was grim when Edward and the others got home. "How was she?" Carlisle asked.

"Uh…different," Emmett replied with a quick glance at Edward. "VERY different."

Edward locked his jaw and clenched his fists. His brother was going to push him too far and would end up with his face planted in the nearest wall.

"Well, I did learn something of interest," Carlisle continued, obviously sensing the tension between Edward and Emmett. "Apparently, Bella was involved in a serious car accident a few years ago. She was in a coma for four days."

"Could that have caused memory loss?" Edward asked in surprise.

Carlisle shrugged. "I talked to one of the doctors at the hospital, just to catch up, of course," he added with a slight smile. "So I couldn't ask anything too probing, but I got the impression that her physical injuries alone weren't sufficient to explain the magnitude of the memory loss."

"What then?"

"They weren't sure," Carlisle admitted. "The memory loss, they finally decided, was the result of the combination of the injury and Bella's own mental defenses." He looked at Edward. "Apparently, she had fallen into a deep depression and there was even speculation that her car accident…"

"Wasn't accident," Edward finished grimly.

"Yes," Carlisle replied. "But the personality change, that was probably purely the result of her injuries…frontal lobe damage."

"I'll say," Emmett said with a snort. "But her lobes looked fine to me." He wriggled his eyebrows and Rosalie snorted in disgust.

"I'm warning you," Edward hissed.

Jasper stepped in between them. "All right now," he soothed.

Alice pushed in between them as well, frowning at Carlisle. "So what do we do for her?"

Carlisle looked surprised. "Do? Nothing, Alice. There's nothing to be done for Bella Swan. At this point, her condition is permanent."

Bella had finally fallen asleep after a restless hour spent tossing and turning in her bed. Though she did not know it, a name passed her lips. She said his name with a sigh of longing and smiled slightly in her dreams.

The stranger from the alley smiled at her, holding out his hand. She took it and shivered. The wind had suddenly grown cold. He smiled widely, trying to reassure her, but she looked over her shoulder.

"There's a storm coming," she murmured and then his arms folded around her.

"Shh," he whispered into her ear. She trembled again.

"I'm afraid," she admitted.

"I'll protect you," the stranger promised.

The storm rolled in on dark clouds. "But what will happen to me when you leave again?" she asked the stranger, and her voice was drowned out by a volley of thunder.

Somehow he heard her and he smiled sadly. "Then we're both lost."


	4. Chapter 4: Bad Habits

************Chapter 4: Bad Habits ************

Bella was not surprised to see him waiting for her in the alley the next night. Strangely, the sight of him did not inspire fear or the slightest anxiety, even knowing the problems Shauna had been having with her overly enthusiastic "admirer" lately. In fact, she was only aware of something loosening inside of her and the sensation felt almost like…relief.

Somehow, she had known he would be there, and somehow, it was all right. She heaved a loud sigh and shook her head at him, as if disappointed in him. In fact, she had been on the watch for him all night. She had told herself firmly that she was most definitely not upset when she had not seen his pale, handsome face in the crowd.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, purposely allowing some irritation to creep into her voice. He wasn't fooled and just continued to study her. Bella put one hand on her hip and held the strap of her backpack with the other. "Didn't your mama warn you about hanging out with the wrong kind of girls?" She smirked at him.

He gave her an easy, crooked smile. "I think I can figure out the wrong kind of girl for myself, thanks."

Bella rolled her eyes at him. "So, Joe College, what are you doing on this side of the tracks?" She clicked her tongue in admonishment. "You should be in bed. It's a school night."

He paused for a moment, giving a shrug. "I don't need much sleep. Besides, we're old friends, remember?" Then he laughed. "Wait…that came out all wrong. Of course you don't." His expression was apologetic. "Let's just say that I'm here to walk an old friend home after a hard night's work."

They began walking and were silent for a while. Finally Bella said, "You know, you've got me at a disadvantage here. You know my name, but I don't know yours."

He came to a halt and turned to look at her. When he spoke, his velvet voice was so low and quiet that she had to lean forward to hear him. "My name is Edward…Edward Cullen." Carefully, he searched her eyes when he told her his name.

Bella knew that look. He was looking for some spark of recognition, because he was quite sure that she would remember him. Or his name. Or some tiny glimmer from the past. He was certain that her memories of him were somehow _different_, more meaningful. As usual, however, there was nothing. And as always, there was that look of disappointment on his face. She had gotten used to that look on the faces of everyone in Forks.

"Sorry, Ed," Bella told him with a quirk of her lips. "Doesn't ring a bell." She tapped the side of her head. "I told you…broken skull equals shitty memory."

Edward smiled at her, but sorrow lingered in his eyes. Bella frowned and moved slightly. His eyes didn't look as dark tonight. Perhaps it was the lighting. She shrugged it off. "That's all right," he said softly. "Maybe we can use this opportunity to get reacquainted?"

"Maybe," she agreed, and started to walk again. He fell into step beside her, putting his hands in his pockets and hunching his shoulders. "You should have worn a heavier jacket," Bella told him admonishingly. "You'll catch a cold."

Edward laughed and shook his head. "Actually, I think I'll be all right."

Bella shrugged. "All right, then. You're the one who's gonna have snot running out of your nose for a week."

"I think I'll risk it," he teased. "Besides, the pleasure of your company is worth risking a little…snot."

She smirked at his hesitation over the word and then Bella glanced at him from beneath her lashes, appreciating the way the streetlights caught the rich bronze of his hair. "I'm not going invite you up to my apartment, you know. So if you're walking me home hoping to get into my pants, I gotta tell you, it isn't going to work."

"I never thought it would," he assured her. And oddly, she believed him.

"Okay, just so we're straight."

"Consider us straight," he said with a nod of his head. "No funny business."

They continued walking, their silence comfortable. He was the first one to speak. "So, how long have you been…dancing?"

Bella laughed at the discomfort in his voice. "A while," she replied, and then nudged him as they walked. "It's just a job, you know. It pays the rent, buys the groceries…and put clothes on my back." She laughed. "That's kind of funny, isn't it? Since I take my clothes _off_ to make the money."

He didn't respond and Bella fell silent once more.

"Why did you leave Forks?" he asked suddenly.

Bella paused and sighed. "It just…it just didn't fit me anymore. I felt like I was suffocating." Her teeth worried at her lower lip. "And I could see what it was doing to Charlie – that's my dad – seeing how different I was. I think it's easier for him now, since the new Bella's not right there in his face all the time. I guess he can pretend I'm still the same old Bella."

"You are," Edward said fervently. "In all the ways that matter."

His words were such a close echo of Jake's that Bella's breath caught in her throat. Something vague and undefined nudged at the edges of her awareness but then slipped away before she could catch it. "Well, you're in the minority then, if you believe that."

"All right then, let's examine the facts" Edward said. "Do you deliberately hurt people?"

"No," she muttered, rolling her eyes.

"Have you taken up any bad habits lately? Larceny? Burglary? Grand theft auto?'

"Not lately," she answered with a smile, letting a small laugh escape her.

"Do you kick puppies for fun or torment preschoolers by stealing their candy?" His smile was wicked now and something warm unfurled within her.

"Only on Wednesdays," Bella said virtuously.

"Then see? Still the same Bella, just with new…_interests_." He winked at her.

"Well, I did develop this _one_ bad habit lately," she said.

"And what's that?"

"I let this strange guy walk me home," Bella told him, her lips twitching.

"Ah, yes, well, that _is_ a bad habit," he replied, his own smile widening. "You should be more careful, you know."

They had stopped walking but she couldn't remember actually doing so. She looked up at him in confusion. "You're kind of scary, Edward Cullen."

Something odd flashed across his expression and he took a step back. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"No." Tilting her head, she put out one hand and placed it lightly over his sweater. "No, I didn't mean like _actually _scaring me, just that…a guy like you…it's sort of crazy to be talking to you, talking like we're old friends when really I can't remember anything about you. I want to remember, that's the _really_ crazy part, but I can't." She shook her head. "And that scares me."

"Well then, perhaps we should start anew," he offered. "I'll pretend I've never met you, and since you've just met me, we'll proceed from here and see where it goes." He flashed a brilliant smile that made her toes curl and all sorts of naughty images flash through her head.

"I'm too old for you," she protested half-heartedly. "Even as a friend. We'd have nothing in common."

"I'm in college, remember? And I'll bet we have lots of things in common." He laughed then, and she thought of warm honey and the crashing waves of the ocean – sweet and hot and heavy against her skin. "I can promise you that you're not too old for me."

"Then how old are you?" Bella challenged.

"Let's not talk about age yet," Edward said, shaking his head slightly and putting his hand at her elbow. "And certainly that's nothing ladies like to talk about with gentlemen they've just met."

They began walking again.

"Ed?"

"Edward," he corrected her with a grin.

"Edward?"

"Yes, Bella?" The sound of her name on his lips did strange things to her body.

"Thanks."

"For what?" She felt his eyes on her and liked the feeling.

"For calling me a lady," she said softly.

"That's what you are Bella," he replied just as quietly. "Come on, let's get you home and out of this cold."

Edward saw her to the door of her building, watched her unlock it. She stopped and turned toward him. "Thanks…for the walk home, for everything."

They were so close that he could feel her heat radiating out of her in waves that crashed against his skin. He trembled at the nearness of her, the power of her scent, the unbelievable temptation of her heat. But his throat did not burn and the venom did not pool in his mouth.

When had he gotten over the lust for her blood?

He wasn't sure, but maybe living without her for so long and been enough to cure him. The temptation she represented now had nothing to do with the nectar that ran in her veins. Instead, it was the silk of her flesh that called to him now. He wanted to pull her up against him and part her lips with his own, let his tongue sweep in to mate with hers, press her against him from head to toe. His hands clenched and unclenched at his sides.

"You should go inside," Edward said, unable to hide the huskiness in his voice.

She blinked up at him, cocking her head to the side as she studied him. "Who _are_ you, Edward Cullen?"

"I'm a guy you've just met," he answered as he gave into the temptation to brush the hair back away from her face. It curled around his fingers as if pulling him closer to her. Carefully, he stepped away, his innate caution urging him to move.

Her heart was thundering in her chest and he heard the rapid pace of her breathing. Her lips were warm and moist and slightly parted, and he knew that if he pressed his mouth to hers, she would not refuse him.

His smile was rueful. "Get inside, Bella, before _you_ catch a cold."

"I'm not that delicate you know," she scoffed.

"Aren't you?" His voice was so soft that she might have imagined the words.

"Goodnight," she said after a moment's pause and then she slipped through the door.

Edward stood outside and listened to her steps go up the stairs, heard the door open and the locks click into place. His Bella was safe, for now. A light came on in a window and he stared up at it, wishing more than anything that he was up there with her right now, holding her close, and telling her how much he loved her.

How much he would always love her, even if she couldn't remember loving him in return. He sighed. Things had certainly gotten complicated. Then Edward smiled. He didn't mind convoluted so much, as long as it was Bella who was confusing matters.

He stood on the street, hidden in the shadows, until the light in her window went off.


	5. Chapter 5: Never a Dull Moment

**************Chapter 5: Never a Dull Moment**************

"You're going back there, aren't you?" Alice asked, her brows drawn together in preparation for begging. Her expression was heartbreaking and sincere, but Edward was immune from overexposure. "You're going to see Bella." There was a note of longing in Alice's voice.

"As if you didn't know," Edward retorted with a grin, tugging at a strand of her black hair.

"Can I go too?" Alice pleaded, even going so far as to clasp her hands as if in prayer and jumping up and down for a moment.

"No," he said firmly, shaking his head. "Not…yet."

Alice made a pouting face. "I miss her too, you know. You're being a _terrible_ brother."

Edward laughed and tweaked her nose. "I know you miss her, you interfering pixie, but you'll have to wait."

"It's good to hear that again," Alice remarked. /I'm glad you're laughing again. Even if it's at me./

He couldn't help it; he pulled her close and gave her an enthusiastic hug. "I'll let you know how it goes," he promised.

"Like I won't know already!" She called out after him.

The night was almost over and Edward could hear Bella inside talking with the waitress from the first night as they approached the doors. He could tell he was only catching the tail end of the conversation but it was enough to get the gist of things. And the gist was very _interesting_…

"I'm telling you," Bella was saying with great authority. "There's no such thing as _forever _anymore."

"Aw, you're so cynical," the waitress accused. "How can you _not_ believe in forever love?"

"And how can you_ possibly_ still think it exists?" Bella asked with fond exasperation. "Okay, let's review, Shauna. There's great."

"Not _nearly_ enough of those," the other woman pointed out. "In fact, I'm not sure they even really exist. I'm pretty sure that guy is some kind of urban legend."

"Tell me about it," Bella agreed. "There's good."

"Mmm…good," came the response. "I'd settle for some good."

"Then there's nothing special," Bella said.

"I had a helping of that last month." Shauna laughed softly.

"And there's," Bella began. "A whole lot of…"

"Aw hell, give the boy a map!" they finished in unison. Then they began giggling like girls in junior high. Edward could not help but laugh at them, even though Bella's words made him sad. Somewhere along the way, his Bella had lost her belief in forever.

And that was his fault. He had much to atone for, and he could only hope that she would give him the chance.

The doors opened and Bella and the other girl stepped out into the weak light of the alley. Edward had been so intent on listening to Bella that he had not been paying attention to the thoughts of the man who now stepped out of the shadows. It took only a second to figure out what the man was up to – and it wasn't good.

A big, beefy hand settled over the waitress's arm. "I told you I'd be back, sweetheart!" He was pushing his face close to hers, seemingly unaware of Bella tugging at his hand, trying to free her friend.

"Shauna!" Bella cried out as the man grabbed her around the waist and hauled her up against him.

"Aw come on, gimme a kiss!" Shauna did not even have time to protest before the man was flying through the air to land in a crumpled heap by a dumpster. She blinked rapidly and Bella looked up at Edward, her eyes widened in surprise.

"Eddie?" she said in disbelief.

"Edward," he corrected automatically, and then grinned. "I'm sorry; it did rather seem as if he needed a lesson in manners."

Shauna laughed loudly, blinked, and then began crying and Bella wrapped her around her friend. "Shhh…." She soothed. "It's all right." Bella looked at Edward again. "Listen, could you give me just a minute. I want to get Shauna inside and call the police." Her expression hardened. "Not that it'll do any good. They don't care if some strippers get roughed up." Bitter experience was in her voice and Edward found the rage drifting up close to the surface. He pushed that away, concentrating on the moment.

He had picked up enough of the man's thoughts, once he was actually paying attention, to prompt, "That sort, well they've usually gotten in trouble before. If he's say, violating his parole, they'd take it all much more seriously."

Bella grinned. "They might at that," she agreed. She turned to usher Shauna inside and then looked over her shoulder. "Don't go anywhere," she ordered. "Keep an eye on him, will you?" Bella studied the fallen figure. "I think you can handle yourself if he decides to wake up from his nap."

"I feel fairly confident," Edward replied with a smirk.

She nodded. "And don't leave. I mean it!" she commanded again over her shoulder.

"Yes, ma'am!"

Bella laughed.

The police bundled up the now groaning man and placed him none-too-gently in the squad car. "Here," Edward offered. "Let me send your friend home in a cab." He smiled at Shauna, already getting out his cell phone. "It's cold and she's had a long night." He leaned in close to Bella. "Does she have anyone at home? I don't think she should be alone." And he definitely did not want to lose Bella's company tonight, so he hoped rather vehemently that Shauna already had someone waiting for her.

Bella nodded. "Yeah, she lives with her mom. Thank you," she said softly.

It took only a few minutes to call a cab and then Shauna was safely on her way home. Together, they watched as the taillights of the cab disappeared into the night and then Edward turned to Bella. "Well this evening certainly wasn't boring," he said dryly.

To his surprise, Bella crossed her arms and studied him with narrowed eyes. "Okay, college boy," she said. "How the hell did you toss that meathead like he was nothing more than a balled up newspaper?"

"The element of surprise," he replied with a quirk of his lips. "You'd be surprised how often that works when someone isn't expecting it."

"Bullshit," she retorted bluntly.

"I'm hurt that you'd say that," Edward said, holding his hand over his silent heart.

Instead of smiling, Bella merely shook her head. "I'll figure it out, you know."

He knew his voice was too serious when he replied, but he could not help it. "I really wish you wouldn't try."

"We're old friends, remember?" She smiled. "I probably already know all of your deepest, darkest secrets."

"But we've started afresh. Remember?" His tone was teasing now and she scowled at him. "How about a truce?"

"I didn't realize we were at war," she said archly.

He leaned in close and heard her heart stutter and speed. "I'm just trying to stay in your good graces."

Bella rubbed her arms. "Well how about you walk me home then, college boy?"

"Please, call me Edward," he insisted.

"No," she said, shaking her head. "I like college boy. Or Eddie. Eddie's good." She smirked at him. "You look like an Eddie."

"That's a terrible thing to say!" He assumed a sulky expression.

"Eddie is nice, it's _comfortable_," she insisted. "Girls instinctively trust Eddies, you know."

He groaned. "Eddie is _horrible _name!" Edward nudged her. "And I'd like to think you'll trust me, no matter what my name is."

"Shut up and quit whining…Eddie."

They stopped by unspoken agreement at the door to her building. They stared at each other for a long moment, yet somehow it did not feel awkward. Edward wanted to push her up against that red door and explore her mouth, press her up against him, wrap her legs around his waist. His whole body tightened at the images flooding his brain.

Bella whispering his name, the thrust of her hips against his, the heat of her core pressing against his erection. He could almost feel her fingers pulling at his hair, dragging him closer and closer until they didn't know where Edward ended and Bella began. He wanted her…badly. And just like that, the old, cautious Edward made an appearance.

He took a step back. Bella frowned at him and took a step forward.

Edward stepped back. Again. Bella grinned and closed the space between them until her breasts just barely brushed against his chest. She smirked up at him, the challenge clear in her eyes. He could feel the wild pounding of her heart, hear the flow of air in her lungs, smell the way her blood scented the air.

She was still Bella, in spite of everything else that had changed, and he still wanted her.

"I don't bite," she whispered, and he laughed at the irony of her words. She surprised him again by putting one hand on his chest. Bella did not seem to notice how hard and cold it was, perhaps the sweater he was wearing disguised it, he mused. Edward looked down at her cautiously. "Not much anyway," Bella added with a glint in her eyes. He trembled slightly, thinking of her blunt, white teeth nibbling at his flesh.

"I should be going," he said, clearing his throat, trying to dislodge the lump that seemed to have taken up a permanent residence there.

To his surprise, she sighed and simply rested her head on his chest. He wished he had a heartbeat so she could hear how her nearness affected him. Reaching up, he embraced her lightly, as he might one of his sisters. He rocked slightly, comforting her. Sexual tension oozed away, leaving behind only the simple solace of a friendly embrace.

Her tears might have surprised her, but not him. He had seen them coming. The evening had been too stressful and she needed a release.

/I know what kind of release I'd like to give her…./ He groaned and pushed the thought away. Those tantalizing images rose up to torture him once more, all the ease of the embrace burned away by fantasies that involved flesh against flesh. Unable to give into his baser desires, Edward allowed himself the luxury of pressing his face against her hair. Still as soft and fragrant, still as tempting.

His Bella.

Bella was not surprised when his fingers urged her chin up, she merely stared at him, her lips parting slightly. "I think I'm going to kiss you, Bella," he said softly.

"When you make up your mind about that, quit talking and get on with it," she answered just as quietly.

And their lips met.


	6. Chapter 6: Bemused and Bewildered

********Chapter 6: Bemused and Bewildered*********

Bella leaned back against her door and heaved a sigh. Her lips still tingled from Edward's kiss. The kiss had been sweetly tentative and careful, not at all what she had expected a college kid to give a stripper. True, he had known her before she became the Bella she was, but still it had been unbearably tender.

She had been tempted – oh so tempted – to invite him. Her mouth had opened and the words had formed on her lips, but she had looked up into his eyes and been unable to say them. Unbelievably, she was not sure if he would accept. There was a sense of caution in him that she had never sensed in any other man. Even as much as Jake loved her, as much as he wanted to protect her, there had never been that wary edge, the sense that he might move away from her at any moment.

It almost seemed as if he was frightened of her, as silly as that sounded. He treated her as if she was made of the most fragile crystal, as if he could break her if he let down his guard for even an instant. His caution drew her, Bella admitted. Usually the men she met were only too willing to indulge in a physical relationship right away and they didn't seem to particularly care if they were careful with her or not. In fact, some of them seemed to_ crave_ that edge of roughness, like they felt free to do things to her that they could not to do the more respectable women in their lives. Edward Cullen, however, seemed to want to get to know _her _rather than just the body with which she earned her living. With Edward, there would be no hurrying to a culmination of the feelings and sensations that were currently thrumming through her body. She had to tamp down a feeling that was suspiciously like disappointment.

The phone in her pocket vibrated, halting her speculations. Bella hesitated when she saw the number, wary of talking to him for the first time in her memory.

"Jake?" she said quietly.

"Hey, Bells," Jake's husky reassuring voice made her feel ashamed for her caution. This was Jake, her best friend, the only person in the world who did not seem to care that her brain was a scrambled mess.

Well, he wasn't the _only_ one. There was another…

Bella sighed and settled into her favorite chair, thrusting away the confusing mess of feelings that had her in their grip. "Hey, Jake," she replied.

"You sound tired," Jake said with concern.

"It's been a long night," Bella said with a tired laugh.

There was a long pause. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," she assured him.

"You don't sound okay," Jake insisted.

"Who are you, my mother?" she teased.

"Sure, sure. All right, I get it, butt out."

"Something like that." Bella felt herself relax as she heard the surrender in Jake's voice. He was still worried, and curious, but he would let it go because she wanted him to. He was good at that, giving her the space she so desperately needed

Why couldn't she love Jacob Black? It would make everything so much easier.

/Because you love…/ And there it went blank. Just as it always did. She never told anyone, not even Jake – _especially_ not Jake – about that blank spot in her mind. Because the spot wasn't _quite_ blank, not completely. Something unseen hovered just beyond her reach and it was maddening.

When she had first woken up, she had seen something in her father's eyes, some hidden shadow, and she had known that there something he was keeping from her. At first, she had been too injured to care or question. Later… Well, later, she had figured out that she didn't really _want_ to know. And that if she did, it might destroy her. By unspoken conspiracy, she had helped Charlie keep that secret.

But Jake knew.

Bella was quite sure of that. However, she had never asked him, not once in all the long months of recovery, never even hinted at it even when Jake had helped her learn who she was now. The new Bella had been quite happy to put old Bella's ghosts to rest because she had a feeling those ghosts could do much more than _haunt_ her.

There were some secrets a woman had to keep, even from herself.

For the very first time, Bella found herself wanting to ask Jake what secret he and her father had kept from her. But the words wouldn't come; the habit of ignoring the secret, pretending even to herself that it did not exist, was too ingrained. She could only recall the pointed looks that had passed between Jake and Charlie, the subtle shaking of heads that had warned the few friends that had stopped by in the beginning, the way sentences ended abruptly and expressions tightened. Of course, even that had not lasted long. Forks was not a place for the young, and before she was even fully recovered, all of the friends she didn't remember had drifted away to make new lives in new places. So the unspoken secrets went with them.

They all knew. Everyone except Bella and –

And?

That was the question, wasn't it?

"Jake, do you remember when I first woke up after the accident?" Bella could not believe she had spoken the words that might open the floodgate. Her heart thrummed in her chest, recognizing the danger she did not understand.

No. Don't go there, she cautioned herself.

Not _there_.

You won't like what you find there, Bella Swan.

"Of course, Bella," Jake said. "How could I forget? I thought we'd lost you."

"Yeah, I was pretty messed up," she said with a light laugh. Bella closed her eyes, remembering the pain of waking up, the way her body had protested the beating it had taken in the accident.

"What about it, Bells?" She paused, twirling a strand of her hair around her finger and biting at her lower lip. "Quit biting your lip and talk to me Bella," Jake commanded. She almost laughed that he knew her so well.

"Guilty," Bella said, deliberately biting her lip again – a small rebellion. "Okay, when I woke up…"

"Yeah?"

"When I woke up, I know I was missing a lot of memories, stuff from Forks, right?"

"Yeah." Jake's voice was cautious now and she could imagine his eyes tightening. His jaw would be clenching just slightly and one hand would curl into a fist on his knee. She knew him too, so well.

"But you and my dad…you told me everything…right?"

"What do you mean?" Jake asked. His voice was too cool, too neutral. It wasn't her Jake at all.

"You didn't keep anything from me. Did you?" Even though she did not want to ask the question, she couldn't help it. The words slipped past her lips before she could consider the consequences.

"Well, I'm sure we missed _something_," Jake replied. "But we tried to hit all the important stuff, the things you'd need to move on with your life."

Something about Jacob's response struck her as too careful. She wanted to dig, but she felt the old fear surge up inside of her.

/Don't go there! It's dangerous! It will kill you…/

"Yeah, yeah, I know," she said easily. "Sometimes, I just…I just wonder, you know, about how I was before…"

"You're still Bella," Jake said softly. "And you always will be. Whatever happened before doesn't matter, only what happens now…and in the future."

"I know." But did she?

"I wanna be a part of that future, Bells, you know that," Jake continued. "I'm waiting for you. I'll be here when you're ready."

"I don't deserve you, Jake," Bella murmured. "I've gotta go, I'm dead tired."

"Night, baby," he whispered.

And she hung up the phone.

* * *

She shivered. Bella looked around her. She was standing in the middle of a clearing and she could smell the flowers in riotous bloom around her. Smiling, she knelt down and began plucking some of the delicate buds, tucking one behind her ear. She was humming softly to herself, a tune she did not recognize but which made her feel safe…and loved.

"Bella," a low, velvet voice called and she turned to smile at him. There he was in all his glorious perfection.

She had been expecting him. Somehow. Holding out her hand, she shivered again when his hand closed over hers. "You're cold," she said.

"Not when I'm with you," Edward replied and he embraced her, keeping her safe against his hard, solid chest. "You make me the man I've always wanted to be."

She looked up at him, bemused and bewildered.

"Kiss me again," Bella pleaded and Edward groaned, leaning his forehead against hers.

"I shouldn't…" he whispered. "It isn't…safe."

"I don't play it safe anymore," Bella told him. "Since the accident, I've realized I don't have time for that. Life…it's over too soon. It's too fast."

Something odd flashed in his expression. "It doesn't have to be that way," he said in a soft voice.

"You can't live forever, you know." He didn't answer, merely pulled her even closer and she shivered. "You're still cold."

"Don't worry about me," he whispered in her ear and she trembled at the chilled air of his breath. "Never worry about _me_."

"I can't help it," Bella told him. "There's something about you that makes me want to protect you."

"Your instincts are still backwards, I see." A harsh burst of laughter erupted from him. Then he was pushing her away, grabbing at her upper arms with his cold, hard hands and shaking her gently. "Do you remember me, Bella? Do you remember yet?" There was an edge of desperation to his voice.

She backed away from him, shaking her head, but he followed, not releasing his grip on her arms. "I can't," she said. "I can't. It…It'll kill me. I know it will. I can't remember. I _won't_!"

"For me, Bella? Please?" Edward's voice went low and liquid, like honey pouring over her, warm and sweet. "You've got to remember, love."

"Love?" She was confused but then his lips were on hers and she didn't care anymore. Her lips parted beneath his and a cool, sweet tongue brushed against hers.

"I'm so sorry," Edward hissed as his mouth brushed over her pounding pulse.

And fiery pain erupted at her throat.

Bella woke up panting for breath, her hand automatically going to her throat where the pain had blazed in the dream. But there was no mark, no blood, no injury – no pain. She laughed at herself, rolled over and went back to sleep.

* * *

Edward leaned back against the shower wall, trying very much to ignore the rather insistent erection that had been clamoring for his attention since his lips had touched Bella's. Or rather, since the moment he had imagined even doing so. Closing his eyes, he tried to imagine all sorts of horrific images, anything to banish the memory of her lips parting for his kiss, the soft gasp he had swallowed as she reacted to his touch.

With a groan, Edward realized that the arousal which thrummed through him was not going to go away. Not easily at any rate. He reached down, his touch hesitant and ashamed as he felt his own flesh. A stroke, just one, he promised himself.

But the relief associated with the action made his knees tremble. And with his eyes closed he could almost imagine that it was Bella's small, hot hand moving up and down his flesh.

Almost.

"Bella," he whispered, his hand moving faster and with more assurance. "Oh God. Yes."

It was over quickly. His back arched and his balls tightened just a moment before he exploded over the black tiles. Edward was shaking as he fell back against the wall, his eyes still closed, the scent of Bella still clinging to him, filling his head.

"Shit," he muttered.

Shit indeed.


	7. Chapter 7: Talk Dirty to Me

***************Chapter 7: Talk Dirty to Me ****************

Bella found herself turning up the music as she cleaned her small apartment. She remembered Renee dancing around their living room with her, whirling around and around until Bella felt dizzy. Then they would fall onto the couch and giggle like crazed school girls. Those were happy memories, of a time when the question of who Bella Swan was could be easily answered.

These days? Not so much.

The tune was old, and one of Renee's favorites. Bella couldn't remember the name of the band, but she knew every word to the song. She gave herself up to the rhythm, to the memories of a simpler time – a less complicated Bella. She almost didn't hear the knock on the door. When she finally realized that it was not a drum beating so insistently, she immediately turned down the music and peered through the peephole.

Edward's perfect, smiling face was there.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Edward had heard the music from the street below, though he doubted any humans could catch much more than the bass. He also heard Bella belting out the words. He stopped to listen, almost choking when he realized what she was singing. The words drifted out, crystal clear.

"_You know I never  
I never ever stay out late  
You know that I can hardly wait  
Just to see you  
And I know you cannot wait  
Wait to see me too  
I gotta touch you_

Cause baby we'll be  
At the drive-in  
In the old man's Ford  
behind the bushes  
till I'm screamin' for more  
Down the basement  
lock the cellar door  
And baby  
Talk dirty to me"

Edward knew that he would have to repress all of the fantasies that immediately sprang to mind when he heard what Bella was singing. /It's just a song…it's just a song…/ It didn't seem to help much and his body had pretty much decided that it wasn't just a song, but a promise of things to come. He groaned and adjusted his coat so that it would hide the most obvious part of his reaction.

Opening the door, Bella grinned at him. "Eddie! What are you doing here?"

He held up a brown paper bag and Bella caught a whiff of something delicious. "Is that…?" She sniffed again. "Oh my God! Is that lasagna from Mimma's?"

"It is," he confirmed. "The best Italian restaurant in the city."

"In the whole damned country, you mean!" Bella said, reaching out to snatch the bag from his hand. "Gimme!" she demanded.

He held it up out of her reach. "No way," he teased. "No one who listens to Poison gets to eat Mimma's lasagna."

"Poison?" Bella repeated, frowning. Then her expression cleared. "Oh! That's who they are! I couldn't think of their name to save my life."

Edward shook his head. "Really, I wouldn't have pegged you for an 80s hair band kind of girl."

Bella laughed and motioned him into the apartment. "I'll trade you. I'll tell you how I ended up listening to Poison and _you'll_ tell me why I'm not already enjoying some of that heavenly lasagna." She licked her lips, her eyes locked on the bag. Edward had to repress the groan that threatened at the sight of her warm, pink tongue brushing across those lush lips.

"Deal," Edward agreed, still holding the bag high up in the air. "But you first."

"You've got to be kidding me!?" Bella protested. "It'll get cold."

"Then talk fast," he suggested, dangling the bag enticingly.

"You don't play fair," Bella accused.

Edward grinned. "Never said I did."

"Oh, all right then," she muttered. "Sit." Bella pointed to a chair. "At least open the bag and let me savor the aroma." That tongue again. Damn it.

He pursed his lips for a moment, letting her think he was prepared to deny her even that small solace. Then he obligingly opened the bag and fanned some of the heavenly scent her way.

Bella groaned. "Oh, you really _do_ play dirty," she said softly. His body tightened in response to his words. She had _no_ idea.

"Better get talking," Edward reminded her. "This is getting colder with every second that passes."

"Well," Bella began. "This was my mom's favorite song. We used to dance around the living room to it when we cleaned house."

"Your mother's favorite song was 'Talk Dirty to Me'?" Edward asked in astonishment.

Bella laughed and shrugged. "My mom is… Well, she's different than most moms." Bella looked longingly at the bag. "And she _did_ listen to classical music too. Her tastes are very eclectic."

Edward's expression was thoughtful. "Go on."

Bella shifted in her seat. "It smells _really_ good," she hinted, her eyes once more focused on the bag.

"It does," Edward agreed. "Go on."

She gave a little moan. "Okay, okay. So, we listened to a lot of stuff. A little AC/DC, a little Poison, some Beatles, even Chopin."

"Interesting," Edward commented. Then he smiled. "Enjoy." He pushed the bag toward her and Bella snatched it.

She opened the bag all the way and buried her face in it. "Oh, I think I just had an orgasm."

Edward made a choking sound. She looked up at him and grinned. "Got ya, Eddie." Tilting her head, she studied him. "For a man who looks like sex on a stick and has a smile that has probably made panties drop all along the west coast, you certainly come off as the shy and quiet type."

He could do nothing more than gape at her. Then he smiled crookedly. "Eat."

"Gladly," she said, already removing the aluminum container and opening the lid. He half expected her to lick it and he knew if she did he would have to excuse himself for a moment. She took mercy on him and spooned a bite into her mouth, groaned, and closed her eyes. After swallowing the bite, she looked at him and grudgingly moved the container closer to him. "I'll share…even though I don't want to," she offered.

Laughing, Edward shook his head. "No thanks, I already ate."

"Good, I didn't really intend to share anyway," Bella said and took another bite.

Edward sat back and watched her devour the lasagna. She enjoyed the food with an eagerness and focus that amused him almost as much as it enticed him. He wondered what else she might bring that focus and enthusiasm to…

At last, unable to eat another bite, Bella pushed the container away and rubbed her belly. "I think I'm going to burst," she announced and Edward laughed.

"I think you'll live," he assured her. "So…Poison, huh?"

Bella shrugged. "Like I said, nothing about my mother is traditional." Sadness flickered through her expression. "I always felt more like the parent than the child. I made sure the bills were paid, that there were groceries in the house, and that she didn't forget to do things like put gas in the car." A small laugh escaped her. "Then she met Phil and he started doing all those things for her."

Edward knew this part, of course. Bella herself had told him in the early days of their relationship. Still, he liked hearing her voice, watching her as she spoke of the mother she adored but did not quite understand. "Phil?" he asked, just because he wanted to watch her lips while she talked.

"Her husband," Bella explained. "He's a minor league baseball player and when he traveled, Renee felt compelled to stay home and keep me company. That made her miserable and made _me_ feel guilty. So I moved to Forks and lived with Charlie." She frowned at him. "But you probably know all this already, right? I probably told you this before…"

Edward smiled innocently. "Some of it," he admitted. "But I like listening to you." Bella bit her lower lip and Edward felt every nerve ending in his body ignite. He wanted to be the one to nibble at that lower lip, that full pink bit of flesh.

"Well," Bella said quietly. "Things were okay, I guess. I don't remember actually arriving in Forks. My last clear memory is of getting on the plane to Washington." Those white teeth worried the lower lip again. "Charlie pretty much caught me up on what I didn't remember."

Not _everything_, Edward mused. Not by a long shot. It seemed that Charlie Swan had neglected to mention a certain Edward Cullen. Not that Edward could blame him, because as far as Charlie knew, Edward had been a thoughtless young man who had blithely broken his daughter's heart – and may or may not have caused her to try and kill herself. No, it was understandable that Charlie might have decided that there was no need to mention Edward, especially since Bella had so conveniently forgotten him.

And maybe, just maybe, that could be Edward's saving grace. He might be given the chance to work his way back into Bella's heart. Her ignorance couldn't last forever, of course, because if he had his way he would be a part of Bella's life forever, and eventually Charlie would be only too happy to remind her of the role Edward had played in the tragic events that his stupid decisions had put into motion.

It was a dilemma. It was time to change the subject because he could see Bella's wariness rising up to war against the very companionable feeling of the day.

"Why don't you turn that music back on and then what would you say to a little dancing?"

Her expression turned cold and she shoved the container back to him. "Just because you buy me a meal doesn't mean that I'm gonna give you a private show." She surged to her feet, indignant color flaming in her cheeks.

At first Edward was so shocked he could do no more than gape at her. Finally, he found his voice and stood up, holding out his hand in invitation. "I only want to dance _with_ you, Bella," he said gently, understanding perfectly where the fury and hurt had come from.

"Oh," she said in small voice. Bella put her hand in his where it rested like a skittish bird. Then she smiled slightly. "Would it surprise you to know that I'm actually a terrible dancer?"

Edward laughed and pulled her close, moving in time with her even though they had forgotten to turn the music back on. They didn't notice anything missing. After a few moments, he leaned down and whispered in her ear, "You do realize that there's no music, right?" Gentle laughter echoed in his voice.

Bella looked up at him and smiled. "There isn't?" She seemed surprised.

"No," he answered solemnly and then his lips were moving closer to hers, very slowly – very carefully. Bella closed her eyes and leaned against him, her mouth opening slightly in anticipation. Edward groaned as his lips found hers.

The kiss started off gentle, much like the ones Edward remembered giving her in Forks when he had been constantly mindful of his razor sharp teeth and the threat of his venom. He had remained, always, in absolute control. But now Bella pressed herself to him so sweetly that he was swept away in the rush of sensation, and soon there was nothing but the warmth and silk of her mouth, the soft press of her body against his, the rush of her pulse as it pounded ever more rapidly. With a moan of surrender, Edward hauled her body up and even closer, wrapping his arms around her so tightly that he was not sure if she could breathe.

Bella did not seem to object.

Her hands came up and gripped his hair, her slender fingers tugging hard. And he liked it. A lot. His tongue swept inside her mouth, dueled with hers, claimed her, rubbing and stroking in a rhythm that came instinctively. Their hips caught the rhythm, a gentle ebb and flow that had them both gasping for breath. He knew she could feel the reaction of his body, the hard length that pressed against the soft, warm flesh of her belly. He could detect the mind-blowing scent of her arousal and that alone almost pushed him over the edge.

By unspoken agreement, they moved toward the couch, their mouths never unlocking. Bella tripped when the back of her knees hit the edge of the couch and she tumbled down, pulling Edward with her.

They fell, Edward landing on top of her, the weight of his body braced on his arms. At last, the kiss ended and he stared down at her. "Bella," he whispered.

"Edward," she answered, tugging at his hair again. "Kiss me. Don't stop," she pleaded.

And though he knew it was wrong – and even worse, dangerous – he could not deny her. Without another word, he lowered his mouth to hers and let his fingers tenderly brush up the hem of her shirt.

Her skin was like silk and fire.

And he wanted to burn.


	8. Chapter 8: In the Attic

**************Chapter 8: In the Attic**************

Edward groaned as Bella's hips thrust up toward his. He could not help the answering motion of his own body. His arousal was like a length of cold steel against his belly and he knew she felt it. How could she not? It struck him then that he had been so very careful with the old Bella. He would have never let that Bella feel his body's very natural reaction to her. This Bella, however, seemed less fragile, less breakable – and strangely enough, he liked it. There was something about seeing that new strength and sense of purpose in her eyes drew him closer.

He wanted her, _burned_ for her, though he knew that there were so many things wrong with his desire. Bella's hands came up and her fingers threaded through his hair, tugging sharply and then soothing away the tiny sting. Edward wanted her to pull harder, to bite his marble flesh, to bathe him in her hot breath as she placed open mouthed kisses up and down his throat…his chest… A groan rose up within him.

"You taste so _good_, Edward," Bella murmured, her breath washing over him, just as he had imagined, leaving a trail of fire in its wake. He was the burning man again. Her scent permeated his being, overwhelming him. He _wanted_.

He felt the tremors begin in his chest, radiating out to every limb until he felt as if an earthquake had quivered to life inside of him. His hand was shaking as he brushed back her hair and pulled away, trying to maintain some semblance of control. "Bella," he whispered.

Her teeth worried her lower lip and the familiar line appeared between her brows. Giving into temptation, he placed a tender kiss on that line. "You're so beautiful," he told her, cupping her jaw in one hand.

Her eyes were wide and solemn as she met his gaze. "Make love to me," she pleaded.

Edward wanted nothing more than to do that, but…

Her small hands tugged at his hair again. "Edward," she said in a low, urgent voice. "Please. I want you."

"Bella, it's too soon," he said. /Besides, I'm afraid I'll kill you and until I'm reasonably certain you'll survive what I want to do to you, I think it best that I keep it in my pants,/ he thought with an edge of dark humor. "Let's just wait, until…"

She pushed at his chest then, her expression tight and angry. "Fine," she hissed. "I get it. Don't want to fuck the stripper. Might catch something, right? I understand. I-"

Edward let the growl build and rumble in his chest as he pulled her close to him, ignoring the way she struggled against his hold. "You silly, absurd girl," he muttered, his lips trailing up her throat. "You haven't the slightest clue of what I'd like to do to you," he added, nipping carefully with lip-shielded teeth at her earlobe as she shivered against him. "Your profession has nothing to do with it, Bella." He leaned back slightly and tenderly brushed at the angry tears on her cheeks. "I want to take our time, Bella, because…" he sighed and shook his head. "You're important to me, and I don't want to rush things and ruin it – for either of us."

She studied him carefully for a moment, looking deep into his eyes as if trying to decide if he was telling the truth or not. The anger lingered for a moment, but it was no match for the sincerity that shone in Edward's gold eyes. "All right," she conceded. Then she flushed. "I don't…I'm not…" Bella heaved an uneasy sigh.

Tenderly, he cupped her jaw. "I know, Bella," he assured her. "This is new for me too." Then he laughed and buried his face in her hair with a groan. "You have no idea how new." /And that's not something I'm ready to discuss, even with you, Bella Swan./

She was silent as he held her, her heart beat gradually slowing down, though her breathing remained somewhat quick and shallow. Her fingers combed through his hair and he closed his eyes to give himself up to the sensation of her touch. "I wish…" Bella began and then she shook her head.

"What do you wish?" he asked her, smiling crookedly. "I'll give it to you if I can."

"I wish I could remember – before – remember _you_," Bella replied. She looked up at him with sad eyes. "You can't give me that, though, can you, Edward?"

"The past doesn't matter, Bella," Edward said softly. "And we'll make new memories – so the old ones don't matter. They're just the past."

"I like the sound of that," Bella murmured shyly, trying to duck her head and hide her fast in his chest. He urged her chin up so that he could look into her eyes.

"I like the sound of that too," he said. "I like the sound of that a lot."

Then his lips found hers and she sighed, pulling him closer, snuggling up against his cold, hard chest and seemed content to stay there.

* * *

"It's very odd," Edward said as he sat beside Emmett on a huge boulder. They had just finished hunting and Emmett was once more trying to put himself to rights. As usual, there was blood spattered on his shirt, which was a tattered ruin anyway. Alice would be pleased at least. It was just another excuse to shop, not that she needed a reason.

"What's odd?" Emmett returned. "I mean besides the whole Bella takes her clothes off for money now thing and you're getting wood like every five minutes." He grinned widely, completely unconcerned with Edward's anger.

A low growl rumbled in Edward's chest and Emmett chuckled.

"You know what I mean, Edward," Emmett protested. "The whole thing is just…bizarre. The Bella I knew couldn't w_alk_ without risking an injury, blushed when you looked at her, and couldn't have walked into a place like the Diamond without bursting into flames! And yet this Bella dances around in fuck-me heels, jiggles her tits in strangers' faces and doesn't even seem to blink in surprise when you press your junk up against her."

"I'm warning you, Emmett," Edward hissed.

"Listen, I don't think any less of her," Emmett insisted. "She's still a great girl. Different, but great. And who am I to get prissy about something taking their clothes off? And sex is well…you know, it's_ sex _and just about the best damn thing ever invented. So I'm not gonna get my panties in a wad about what Bella does with her body."

"True," Edward muttered. "You and Rose…" He shuddered, thinking of the many things he had been forced to endure from Emmett and Rose over the years.

"Exactly," Emmett laughed, not at all repentant. "I'm just saying that to see Bella like this, after knowing the old Bella, well, it's sort of a kick in the ass, if you know what I mean." He shrugged. "Not saying I don't like it, it's just weird."

"Oh, I know what you mean," Edward replied. "But that's part of what makes it so odd."

"What do you mean?" Emmett asked curiously.

"Well, Bella is different, obviously-"

"Obviously." Emmett smirked and gave a little snort.

"Enough." Edward sighed. "But it's like she remembers things without actually _remembering_ them."

"Go on."

"All right," Edward said. "For example, she wasn't surprised by my skin. She mentioned I was cold, but it didn't seem to surprise her, not really."

"That's… Yeah, that's weird," Emmett allowed. "Humans usually pick up on that shit; that's why we're supposed to be careful," he added, giving Edward a sidelong glance.

"All the things that the humans notice about us, all the things that mark us as what we are, she just seems to take in stride." Edward paused. "Almost like she's _expecting_ it."

"Maybe she is," Emmett said casually.

"But she doesn't remember," Edward snapped. "None of it. Not me, not what we had, nothing that happened."

"Maybe she does," Emmett told him.

"Bella's not that good a liar, Emmett." There had been absolutely no recognition in Bella's eyes when he had seen her for the first time at Diamond's. And he knew her well enough to be absolutely certain of that.

"No, that's not what I mean. I think Bella remembers, but she doesn't _know_ she remembers." Emmett tapped his skull. "It's all up there, but she's got it locked away, like you put stuff in a trunk up in the attic. You know it's up there, but you don't think about it because it's not right there in your face. You forget it, until something reminds you. It's tucked away and you don't remember it, but then suddenly – bang! – you remember what you put up there." He shrugged. "You're reminding her, but that shits packed away tight, so it's gonna take some time for her to really remember."

"You think she will?" Edward asked uncertainly. Bella regaining her memories could be very good – or very, very bad.

"Probably, but…" Emmett was uneasy.

"But what?" Edward pressed, even though he heard Emmett's thoughts.

"But how will she feel about it all when she does – how will she feel about… _you – _and how you left her?"


	9. Chapter 9: Clueless in Alaska

******Chapter 9: Clueless in Alaska******

Edward knocked on Bella's door, knowing that this was her day off and wondering if he could talk her into spending it with him. He heard some stumbling footsteps approach the door, a small yawn, and then Bella's muffled, drowsy voice. "Just a minute."

He heard her breath as she pressed her eye to the peephole, listened to her heart start to beat faster when she saw who it was. He repressed his smile. The last thing he needed was for Bella to think he was cocky. When the door opened, there was Bella, appearing deliciously disheveled and drowsy. She blinked at him for a moment, her cheeks invitingly stained with pink. "I didn't expect you," she mumbled.

"May I come in?" he asked. He did not want to take anything for granted with Bella. He _might _have been given a second chance. Edward didn't know yet, but if he had been, he was going to do everything he could to make it work this time. Maybe one day, Bella could forgive him, even if Edward knew he could never forgive himself.

"Uh…sure," Bella said uncertainly, moving aside so that he could enter the apartment. Deliberately, Edward let his body brush against hers. The softness of her breast grazed his arm, taking his breath away. One look at her face confirmed the fact that she felt the electricity of their contact as well.

It was still there, that familiar, magical feeling. Edward suppressed a groan at her warmth, the scent of the blood that pulsed in her veins and throbbed invitingly at her throat. Oh yes, the old feelings were still there. In spades. Entwined with the familiar longings, however, he felt something new for Bella now. This glorious creature, with her vulnerabilities so carefully hidden beneath an exterior of very real strength drew him in a way far more powerful than her other, more innocent half.

That saddened him at first. Then he realized that it was only because this Bella seemed – somehow – more likely to survive loving him. Her body was still as fragile and delicate, but her spirit had been tested and she had triumphed. Her courage awed him; her ability to forge a new life for herself humbled him. He knew that he would spend the rest of eternity convincing her of his love if he had to, and for the first time, he was willing to consider time stretching out endlessly before them.

Eternity.

With Bella.

It lit a fire under his cold, impenetrable skin. He wanted that, and he was finally willing to pay the price for it. Bella's life. That was not his price to pay, but hers. Could he ask it of her? Would he? _Should_ he? He knew the answer to that easily enough. How ironic that he was now ready to change her, and yet Bella had no idea what that meant now. They were, as always, at cross-purposes.

Thrusting aside his troubled musings, Edward smiled. "I thought we'd go for a picnic," he said.

Bella looked out the window, her brows drawing together. "It's not a very pretty day," she murmured uncertainly.

"Being with you will make the weather unimportant," he replied. Of course, a picnic on a sunny day was out of the question, so he was forced to hope for a day spent with her under grey, dreary skies instead.

She wrinkled her nose. "Uh…I'm not really an outdoor kinda girl," she said quietly, rubbing at her nose. Edward had to restrain himself from placing a tender kiss on that nose, settling for closing his eyes and letting her scent fill him up.

"All right then," he agreed, opening his eyes and knowing full well that she was only speaking the truth. Besides, the location did not matter – only that he got to spend time with her. "How about an indoor picnic, and then we don't have to worthy about the inclement weather," Edward added.

Bella looked up at him and laughed, shaking her head. "You sound like one of those old movies," she observed. "All formal and proper." To his surprise, she pressed her body against his and trailed the fingers of one hand down his arm while the other hand moved around to draw circles on the small of his back. Of course, his body immediately took notice and began reacting inappropriately.

He groaned and moved to step away but Bella tightened her grip on him and although it would be nothing to break free of her grasp, he found he did not want to. So he stayed pressed up against Bella Swan and suffered the agony. They were silent for a long moment, simply enjoying the close proximity and the comfort of each other's company. At last, Edward pulled away. "I took the liberty of picking up a few items," he confessed.

She frowned, looking around him. He grinned. "They're still in the car."

"Oh."

"I'll go get them," he prompted.

"Okay," Bella agreed with a slight smile. "I think I can manage that."

He gently caressed her cheek. "You still look half asleep."

"The hazards of having a night job," Bella murmured. She blinked at him. "How about I go shower and start a caffeine I.V. while you bring the stuff upstairs?"

"Fair enough," he answered, and placed a tender kiss on her forehead. "Go on sleeping beauty, I'd prefer you conscious if you don't mind."

Bella was already shuffling away from him when he happened to look up and see that was she giving him her middle finger. He snorted. The new and "improved" Bella Swan would take some getting used to, but he was looking forward to the process.

An hour later, Bella was leaning back against her couch, her legs stretched out before her on the floor. She had spread a colorful blanket on the living room floor and turned on some music. It was loud enough for them to discuss the merits of various songs but not so loud as to interfere with conversation.

"You didn't eat each much," Bella commented.

Actually, Edward had not eaten anything at all, though he could have if pressed to do so. Still, bringing it back up later was never a pleasant process. So he had relied on the old tricks and he thought it had worked. He shrugged. "No, I guess not."

She studied him carefully for a moment, her eyes narrowed. He shifted uncomfortably under her scrutiny. Then she sighed and tucked her hair behind her ears. Letting her head rest on the cushion behind her, Bella closed her eyes. "This was fun," she murmured.

Edward let his eyes drink their fill of her. Giving into temptation, he reached for her hand and savored the warm softness of it in his. "Thank you," he said.

Her dark eyes fluttered opened. "Why are you thanking _me_?" Soft fingertips caressed his jaw. "You're the one who made it happen."

"Yes, but I wouldn't have had any fun at all if you weren't with me," Edward said softly.

"Would you please kiss me again?" Edward chuckled at the expression on her face, half pleading, half challenging.

"If you'd like," he whispered just before his lips pressed to hers. Her hands came up to tug at his hair and before he could draw another breath she was climbing into his lap, pressing herself against him without reservation. Kneeling over him, she let her tongue play against the seam of his lips, groaning when he opened his mouth to her.

"You taste so good, Eddie," she whimpered.

"If you call me _Eddie_ again I'll stop kissing you," he threatened as his mouth played up and down the elegant line of her throat.

Bella groaned and pulled him closer. "All right, _Edward,_" she whispered. "Have it your way, _Edward_." She kissed the right corner of his mouth. "Edward," she murmured. A kiss to the left side of his mouth. "Edward." A playful nip to the tip of his nose. "Edward." Then her mouth moved down his throat to his Adam's apple. "Edward," she moaned.

He shuddered as her mouth continued moving down, his hands clenching at his sides, too afraid to touch her. The need was a roaring beast now, a living thing in the room with them. Her mouth was hot and warm and open against his chest, the small space of skin left exposed by his shirt. "Edward," she said, and then her fingers were unbuttoning the shirt. Edward was completely still, torn between what he wanted and what he knew was right.

Unfortunately, he also knew that if moved so much as a finger at that exact moment, he would roll her beneath him and be thrusting his hips into hers in about five seconds. Maybe less if her legs didn't get tangled up too badly in his. The image made him groan loudly and Bella giggled, dispelling the worst of the tension.

At last, he gathered enough strength to put his hands on her hips and still the motion that was driving him mad. "Bella," he said softly, tenderly kissing her forehead. "I want to, more than you can possibly know. But honestly, if you don't stop that right this instant, I won't be able to resist. And…_taking_ you on the living room floor isn't exactly what I had in mind for our first time."

She was silent for a moment. "You wouldn't be_ taking_ anything, Edward," she finally whispered in a husky voice that made his body clench. "I'd be giving myself to you, and taking you in return." Laughing softly, she licked his earlobe. "That's how things are in the 21st century you know, give and take." She nipped his flesh. "It's very a very cool arrangement. You should try it sometime."

"Bella…" he groaned in warning.

She laughed again and then heaved a sigh, moving off of him though he was quite sure that the brush of her knee against his erection was very deliberate. He rolled his eyes at her and grabbed a pillow, not that the camouflage fooled her for a moment. Bella scrunched up her nose adorably and stuck out her tongue.

"Spoilsport," she teased.

"I'm not even going to dignify that with a comment," Edward said solemnly and she laughed at him. Again. He loved the sound of her laughter, because it was unspoiled and innocent.

She leaned back against the couch again. "Thanks," she murmured. "It's been a great day."

"Yes, it has," he agreed. He could not help but touch her, contenting himself with tucking yet another errant strand of hair behind her ear. "Do you have to work tomorrow?" he asked, knowing quite well that she did. He had already memorized her work schedule and even when she did not know it, he was walking her home, a silent and invisible companion, keeping watch over her. She nodded. He touched the scar that ran into her hairline. "This scares me, you know."

Bella looked surprised and her fingers met his as they touched the scar together. "Why? It was a long time ago."

"You could have been killed," he murmured, meeting her eyes.

"But I wasn't," she said quietly. "Well…not my body anyway."

He let that go without comment. "Can I ask you a personal question?"

"Eddie, I just tried to get a certain part of your anatomy inside of me on my living room floor," she teased. "I'd say personal questions come with the territory."

"Temptress," he accused.

"Apparently not so much," she retorted.

He cradled her face in his hands. "Oh, you're tempting all right, Ms. Swan," he assured her. "Let's just say that I've got a lot of experience in controlling myself. Otherwise, we'd both be naked by now."

"Promises, promises," she mocked, but her voice was breathy.

"Oh yes, that's a promise. Just not…yet," Edward said. "I want it to be right…perfect."

"I guess I can't argue with that," she agreed, though her voice was reluctant and chagrined.

"And before I ask, I just want to say that it's only curiosity that prompts my question," he said in a low voice. "I'm making no judgments. It's just that…" He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. He frowned.

"You're gonna hurt yourself," Bella observed with a smirk. Then her expression grew serious and she sighed, shifting away from him a little. "Let me guess, you want to know what a 'nice girl' like me is doing taking her clothes off for a living?"

"Well….yes."

Bella's lips pursed and she leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees. "Well, it just sort of happened, you know." She shot him a look. "My accident happened just after graduation. By the time I was even semi-functional, there was no way to get into a college. Even the community college deadlines had passed, and…" She shook her head. "I really didn't _want_ to go to college. I didn't know _what_ I wanted, but that wasn't it."

"Go on," he prompted when she seemed to be trying to decide if she wanted to continue.

Rolling her eyes at him, she chewed on her lower lip. "Well, one day I was sitting in my room, feeling awful, bored as hell, and just about ready to scream." She laughed nervously. "The night before I'd had a little too much to drink and had ended up getting a little rowdy. Luckily, I was on the rez and Jake took me home before I got into too much trouble." Her lips twisted. "But Charlie had read me the riot act that morning and my head ached and I had thrown up a lot and I was just sick of feeling like I was a disappointment. I was tired of seeing that look in Charlie's eyes."

"What made you feel like that?"

Her face turned away slightly as she studied the window on the far wall. "While Charlie was yelling at me, he said something along the lines of 'The Bella I knew would never have pulled that kind of stupid, reckless crap!'"

Edward put a hand on her shoulder and was not surprised to find it trembling with tension.

"And suddenly I was sick and tired of feeling sick and tired, if you know what I mean." She grimaced. "So I packed a bag with my clothes and then put my favorite books and CDs into some boxes and I loaded up my truck. I went to the bank and I withdrew all the money I had, which wasn't much but it was enough."

"And how did you end up here?"

Bella's head tilted as she thought about it. "Well, that was kind of funny," she said. "I wasn't really sure where I was going, but then it just popped into my head, my broken, useless mind finally gave me a fucking clue and I made my way here."

"I had to stop twice and stay for a bit, just to earn some more money and stuff." She shrugged. "And honestly, being a waitress was the easiest gig to get, so that's what I did. I could even cook a little, the simple stuff, so that helped."

Edward closed his eyes so she would not see the guilt there.

"It took me about four months to finally get here, but I had to find work, obviously."

He wrapped a strand of her hair around his fingers, marveling at its softness and her strength.

"I found a job waitressing at the Diamond, and the money was okay," Bella continued. "But when they asked me if I wanted to make more…"

Edward was silent for a moment. "And how was it?"

Bella laughed. "I threw up the first time, just before I went on stage. Twice. Luckily, everyone there is really nice," she added. "Shauna sort of took me under her wing and I stopped feeling queasy before a set. Eventually." She sighed. "I'm not really that good a dancer, but the guys don't seem to mind as long as I smile pretty and take off enough stuff."

A low growl rumbled in his chest before he could stop it. She looked at him sharply, but kept speaking.

"And the bouncers are real good about keeping the paws off of us," she said. "We're there to look at, not to touch. And they make sure that the men follow the rules." Bella smirked at me. "As I'm sure you remember."

"Ah yes, I remember quite well," Edward replied in an effort to steady himself.

"So it pays the bills, quite well actually," Bella said. "And I make enough to save some, so that one day I'll be able to do something else."

"What do you want to do?" he asked curiously.

Bella opened her mouth and then closed it. A giggle erupted out of her, making her sound like a child. "That's just it! I don't have a damned clue, Eddie."


	10. Chapter 10: Chain Yanking

I don't own these characters. I just like to be mean to them and make them whimper. Sadly, there's no money in this for me either.

**Chapter 10: Chain Yanking**

They fell into a routine without even discussing it. On the nights that she worked, Edward would knock on her door and walk her to the club. They would discuss a wide range of topics; books, movies, friends, funny incidences at the club, Bella's new friends in Alaska, and even, infrequently, the accident that had robbed her of her memories. Early every morning after Bella's shift was over, Edward would wait in the alley for her and walk her home again.

She did not invite him up, and that too had come about by some strange unspoken agreement. Somehow, they both sensed that the temptation to give in to their attraction to each other would get the best of them if given the opportunity. Each of them also sensed that it was not yet time.

The time would come, of that they were both certain. But it was not yet. Not quite. So they walked together, talking about the significant and the mundane alike. Edward felt as if he was getting to know this new Bella, though there were tantalizing hints of the girl he had known in Forks. Clearly, however, Bella was now a woman – an intriguing, beautiful, sexy, and independent woman.

And he found her appealing as hell. It was as if he had fallen in love with a girl only to find that there was a woman now in her place. The girl had been wonderful, but the woman was sheer perfection. He wanted her. He wanted her to be his in every way, including that physical intimacy he had resisted for so long.

Through all of his long years, there had never been a female – vampire or human – who had tempted him enough to make that kind of commitment. It _was_ a commitment, that complete giving of one's self to another. Or at least it _should_ be, and it was – to him. Even a few short years ago, his thirst for Bella's blood had been enough to help him keep his physical desires in check. His fear of hurting her was far stronger than his desire to give free rein to his baser instincts. So he had kept those very human desires locked tightly away, pretending, even to himself, that they did not exist.

It had been easy to do, especially when compared to controlling his appetite for her blood.

Now, however, they were getting to know each other again. The terrible, dark thirst for her blood was strangely absent, though she still smelled as alluring as ever. His physical desires, once so tightly restrained, had lately slipped free of his iron control and seemed to be running rampant. He wanted. He desperately wanted to make love to Bella Swan.

Finally, one night when the others were out hunting, Edward sought out Carlisle as he listened to some music. His father smiled and turned down the music, motioning Edward into the study. "Edward," he said softly. "It seems like a long time since we've had a chance to talk."

As he usually did, Carlisle seemed to sense when Edward needed a father's advice. Once more, Edward considered his good fortune in having a man like Carlisle in his life. Edward gave a nervous smile and sank down into a chair, remaining silent for a moment as he considered how to broach the topic. Carlisle remained patiently quiet, waiting for Edward to gather his thoughts.

"Uh yes, well…uh…you know that I've spending quite a bit of time with Bella lately," Edward began.

Carlisle grinned briefly. "Yes, I've been aware of that fact," he replied.

Edward closed his eyes and shook his head. He was quite accustomed to the lack of privacy in the family. He was well aware that he provided no privacy at all – to _anyone_, with the exception of Bella, the one being whose thoughts he _desperately_ wanted to know. So he knew it was quite unfair of him to be upset that everyone in the Cullen household knew about the time he was spending with Bella. That knowledge, however, seemed to make little difference and he had to tamp down his irritation.

"Anyway," Edward forced himself to continue in a calm and reasonable voice. "We're getting…closer."

"Physically?" Carlisle asked softly, cutting straight toward the heart of the matter in his own gentle way.

"Uh…yes," Edward answered carefully. "Slowly, but…yes, definitely getting closer." Though Bella remained more frustrated than he was at their progress, she was still understanding.

Carlisle was silent for a long moment, his hands steepled in front of him, his index fingers lightly resting on his lips. "I see."

"That's not really very helpful," Edward pointed out dryly.

"Well to be fair, you haven't actually asked me anything, have?" Carlisle retorted with a glint of humor in his golden eyes.

Edward exhaled carefully. "I suppose what I'm trying to get at, in my own inept way, is that I was wondering just how…_close_ Bella and I can get…_safely_."

Carlisle paused and then answered. "That will depend on you, Edward."

"I realize that, but you know what I'm asking you," Edward pressed.

"Yes," Carlisle agreed. "I know." Carlisle got to his feet and began pacing, which made Edward uneasy. "The thing is, son…" He shrugged. "Why do you want to get closer to Bella…why now, when you were so adamantly opposed to it? Before?"

Edward considered the question – and his answer. "Before… Well, there were many reasons before to be very careful how close I allowed myself to get to Bella." He grimaced. "First of all was the simple but vital fact that I wanted her blood, as much as I wanted her body." The confession was given quietly, shame evident in the soft words. "And I didn't trust myself to be able to control one appetite while satisfying the other." He was ashamed of this truth, but it had to be expressed.

Carlisle put his hand on Edward's shoulder. "To feel temptation is nothing to be embarrassed about, Edward. You controlled it; you should feel pride in that. Not shame."

"What I _am_ endangers her," Edward said. "I can't forget that. It's dangerous if I do."

"That's true," Carlisle allowed. "But you want more, as much as you can safely allow."

"Yes."

"And you want me to give you advice on how to do that."

Edward nodded. "I want to know what my limits should be – or if there's anything I should to do help prepare myself…" This was rather more awkward than he had anticipated.

There was another long silence. "Edward, more than the limits between you, I think you should be considering the timing, and how her memory loss will affect your relationship. If you choose to make your relationship with her more…intimate, then you must decide if you will tell her the truth. And if so, then when?" He paused. "If you don't, and then one day she regains her memory, she'd probably feel betrayed. And she'd be right in a way."

"How would I explain?" Edward asked with a groan, burying his face in his hands. "She'll never understand. She figured out what I was on her own once before, and I'm not sure if I want her to do that again…or not. Can I be a part of her life again? I hurt her, Carlisle. I thought I was going what was best, but now I don't know…"

Carlisle pondered that for a moment. "Well, I told you before Edward, that it seems Bella's destiny is fated to be connected to yours, though in what way none of us can guess at the moment. Alice sees, but not everything – and the timing is always up in the air."

Edward grimaced at his reminder of the imperfection and strange nature of Alice's visions. Like Paul in Dune, she could see into the future but it was not a perfect process, clear cut and precise at every turn. The future still rippled and undulated before her, granting vision and blindness with equal fervor. He had asked her many times and Alice had merely shrugged. "There are many possibilities," she answered truthfully – and he had seen enough of them to know that he would have to be cautious.

"You know, Edward, Alice has been complaining that you've been rather selfish with Bella," Carlisle admonished softly. "You were not the only one who lost Bella." Those words were the only time that Carlisle had betrayed the heartache that had afflicted almost all of them when he decided to leave Bella. Alice especially had suffered.

"You're right," Edward replied. "How about I bring her here tomorrow? It's her night off. I'll take her out to dinner and then bring her home." He laughed and shook his head. "I don't want to have to explain why all seven of us aren't hungry while we're serving her dinner."

"Good thinking," Carlisle agreed with a wink. "We'll look forward to seeing her."

"About damned time, Edward," Alice grumbled. They had just returned.

"Woo hoo!" Emmett hooted. "Baby Bells is coming for a visit."

From Esme, Edward sensed quiet satisfaction. Jasper was wary and wondering if he should absent himself for the visit. Rosalie was the only one who was annoyed, but even her grumblings seemed more a thing of habit rather than true irritation. Edward pondered that change as well as Jasper's caution. He would have to talk to his brother, to let him know that he trusted him.

"All right then," Edward said, getting to his feet. "I should be going. Bella will be getting off work soon and I don't want to be late."

Edward waited patiently for Bella, smiling when he heard her chatting with Shauna. The young woman was explaining that she had just been awarded a scholarship, enough to alleviate the financial burden that her schooling was putting on her and her mother.

"It was amazing, Bella," Shauna was explaining. "My advisor called and said it was brand new and that I fit the specifications perfectly, even down to being of Irish descent! Can you believe it?"

"That's great," Bella answered. "So will you still work here?"

"Oh yeah," Shauna said. "I've still got bills to pay. But this will pay for my classes and my books, along with lab fees and stuff like that. It's going to make a huge difference for me, and my mom can even cut back on some of her hours. It's a godsend, Bella. A miracle." Shauna laughed. "And you didn't believe in miracles anymore, silly girl!"

The two of them emerged from the club and Edward repressed a smile. Shauna's newfound scholarship had been easy enough to accomplish, and it was gratifying to know that they had helped someone who had been such a good friend to Bella. It was such a small thing, after all, but it would make a big difference in the young woman's life.

"Hey, Edward!" Shauna called out. "You know that guy? He's going away for parole violation, 'big boy' time, if you know what I mean." She grinned. "So I won't have to worry about him until he's so old he'd have to chase me in his walker."

"That's great news, Shauna," Edward said. "I'm sure you're relieved."

"It's been a stellar week all around, Edward," Shauna yelled over her shoulder. "I'll let Bella tell you all about it on your walk home."

Bella looked after her friend and shook her head. "She's over the moon right now. First the creepazoid gets sent to the cell he so richly deserves, and then she gets this scholarship that she didn't even know existed." Bella shot him a strange look from under her lashes. "That's great news, don't you think, Edward?"

"Superb news," he agreed with an innocent expression. Surely, Bella did not suspect… Still, he would have to be careful. Bella had always been far too perceptive when he least wanted her to be. He pulled her into his arms, hoping to distract her.

"You're looking good there, Eddie," Bella said breezily. She frowned. "But then again, you always do." Her lips pouted. "It's not fair. You're way prettier than I am and it's giving me a complex."

"Hardly," Edward said, placing a chaste kiss on her forehead.

"You know," Bella said softly, tugging at his shirt. "My lips are only a _little_ bit further down…"

"Good to know," he murmured, kissing a path from her temple to the corner of her mouth.

"Just a little bit to the right," she suggested playfully.

He let his lips remain at the corner of her mouth. "I don't know," he whispered. "I don't really think I want to kiss anyone who insists on calling me _Eddie_."

She snorted with laughter and then buried her face in his chest. "You know I only call you Eddie to yank your chain, right?" Bella said suddenly, raising her face to look at his.

He looked at her and smirked. "Yes, I sort of got that impression."

Bella laughed softly. "Well, it's really your own fault, you know."

"How did you come to that conclusion?" he asked curiously. As always, the workings of her silent mind fascinated him.

"You're just so serious," Bella explained. "And apparently I'm incapable of resisting the temptation to give your chain a good yank every now and then." She took one look at the pained expression on his face and giggled. "A little over the top, huh?"

"Yes, your sexual innuendo was more of a battering ram," he observed.

"Now who's using a sledgehammer instead of a feather?" Bella teased.

"Ms. Swan, I must insist that you desist in speaking of yanking, chains, feathers, or other topics or objects that might construed as being of a sexual nature."

"You're no fun…Ed-"

"You'd better finish that word, properly, Ms. Swan, or we're going to have a problem," Edward threatened with narrowed eyes, though a smile tugged at his lips.

"Ed…._ward_," Bella finished.

"That's better," he murmured. He stopped and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Her pulse was thundering just under the fragile layer of pale, soft skin. "Do you know how beautiful you are?" he asked suddenly.

Bella blushed, something he did not see as often as he had in the old days. He had missed it more than he knew, and every time the rich color painted her cheeks, an old and aching hunger flared to life within him. "I still say you're prettier than me," she murmured.

Edward cut off her protests with a kiss, the only sure way to make her stop talking.


	11. Chapter 11: At Last

I don't own these characters. They are the sole property of Stephanie Meyers. I only borrow them. No humans are permanently harmed through my actions, though I do confess to harassing, annoying, torturing, and exasperating them – just because it's fun. I make no money from my little stories, sad day. I only play in the sandbox, I didn't build it.

**Chapter 11: At Last**

They arrived at Bella's apartment and once more he placed a sweet and innocent kiss on her lips. Bella sighed and her mouth opened, inviting him in. He took a deep breath and stepped back, shaking his head. "Ah Bella…you're going to be the death of me," he murmured.

"Actually, Edward," Bella said, an edge to her voice. "_You're_ going to make _me_ burst into flames or something."

He smiled at her obvious ire, which was not the way to ease her anger. Bella heaved an irritated sigh and fumbled with her keys, cursing when they tumbled toward the ground. He caught them before they hit and offered them to her.

"See?" Bella snapped, snatching them from his hand. "How do you _do_ that shit?"

"What?" Edward asked softly. "Catch things?"

She rattled the keys in front of his face. "Catch things you shouldn't be able to catch. Throw grown men six feet in the air! You pretend to eat and drink, but really, you're just acting. You think I haven't noticed that shit? Do you think I'm _stupid_? It's like you're an actor in some movie that I didn't know I was going to see and I'm sitting there in the fucking theater trying to figure out just what the hell is going on!"

The mood had changed so abruptly, and her silent mind offered no hints as to the reason. It was as if she had finally been pushed too far and all of their mutual, pent up longings were suddenly rattling the bars of the cages he had so carefully constructed. She knew enough to be suspicious. She _wanted_ enough to push his boundaries.

And God help him, he wanted her too. He was sick of boundaries and caution. He loved her. He wanted her. It was instinctual and a need as old as time.

Her chest was heaving with her breaths, her cheeks bright with color and he could hear her heart pounding behind the fragile protection of her bones. "Bella," he whispered, reaching out for her. "Please…"

She jerked away from his touch, blinking at him as tears filled her eyes. "What Edward? Please _what_? You keep coming around here, walking me to and from work like you're 'courting' me or something. You say the most beautiful things, treat me like a fucking princess or something, but you keep yourself at a distance no matter what I do. I'm sick of it, Edward. It makes me feel…unwanted. Like you're playing some sort of twisted game with me and I don't like it."

"Never unwanted, no games," he murmured. His fingers brushed her cheek. "I want you so much that I ache with it, Bella."

"So why do you keep running away from me when I try to let you have me? You say you want me, but when I offer myself to you…" She hissed. "When I try to make a move on you, you just sort of freeze up and move away. I feel like I'm trying to seduce you against your will." She wrapped her arms around herself and shuddered. "It's making me insane…and cranky." Bella gave a shaky laugh and shook her head.

"I don't mean to hurt you," Edward said softly.

"None of this should make sense," she said more to herself than to him. "And yet…" Bella took a deep breath.

"And yet…what?" he asked, half fearful, half hopeful.

"Every time I'm with you, I have the oddest feeling that we've been here before, that we've played this game, that I've seen this movie. I just don't know the ending. It's like someone turned it off before we got to the end. And now we're back, watching the same movie, trying to figure out the ending." She tilted her head to study him. "My brain is fucked up, I know that, but something…something is there. I can sense it. It's just…_there."_

He pulled her into his embrace and this time she didn't fight him. "I know, love."

"You do?" Her hands clutched at his lapels.

He nodded, his expression solemn. "I know what's lurking there at the edges of your beautiful, mysterious mind, love. And I want to tell you. I do. I long to do so, and yet I dread it with every fiber of my being."

"Why?"

"Because I know that when I do, when I tug at that string of your memory and it all comes unraveled, you won't want me in your life anymore," he said sadly. It was as close to a confession as he could force himself to make. "And that is something I'm just not ready to face. I can't stand to be banished from your side again. It…" He took a deep breath. "Just the thought of it is almost enough to destroy me."

"Nothing could make me ask you to leave," Bella whispered. "Nothing. Since you came into my life, I've felt…alive. Finally. I've felt like I'm the Bella I'm meant to be…no longing for the Bella I was, no worries about what the future might hold. I've been happier in these past weeks than I've ever been."

"I want nothing more than your happiness, Bella. I hope you know that."

She clutched at him, pressing herself fiercely to him. "Then make love to me, Edward. _Now._ Before any of the other stuff intrudes. So that no matter what happens, we have that…the feeling of finally being together."

"I…" He trembled. "I don't want to hurt you," he finally said in an agonized voice.

"Then don't refuse me," Bella murmured, her lips seeking his. "Not again. If this is all we'll ever have, then let's take it." Her breath was hot against his cheek and then his ear. "Please…please make love to me, Edward."

And he was lost. Thoughts of proceeding carefully evaporated. Plans to take her home and reintroduce her to the family disappeared in a puff of smoke and heat. All of his good intentions were obliterated by the sweetness of her touch.

Gone. Nothing left but desire and need.

Swiftly grabbing her, he made quick work of the lock and was speeding toward her door. He kicked it closed behind him as he kissed Bella. Their clothes were ripped away in a mad frenzy of tugging and pulling and pushing. Buttons flew across the room, shoes were kicked off, and clothing jerked out of the way and when they stood only in the briefest scraps of cloth, they stopped and looked at each other. Reverence finally triumphed over raw need and they reached for each other with hands that were newly tamed and tender.

His fingers were shaking as he slowly lowered the straps of her bra. His breath became a gasp as her breasts were revealed to him in the moonlight, for they'd failed to turn on a light. He because he had no need and she because she was too far gone with want to care.

The bra fell to the floor with a whisper of sound. Bella's breath was coming fast, her eyes dilated with the darkness and her arousal. She put one hand on his chest, where his heart should have been beating. She frowned slightly, as if part of her mind realized that something was amiss.

Edward covered one of her breasts with his hand and her expression cleared, becoming hungry again. She moaned slightly at the sensation of his fingers pulling lightly at her nipple. The scent of her arousal filled the air and he inhaled deeply, taking it inside him.

He hooked his fingers in the elastic waist of her panties and slipped them down her hips, pressing a gentle kiss to her belly button along the way. She gave a little growl, which made his cock throb, and then she returned the favor, sliding his underwear down. His cock bobbed free of restraint and she licked her lips at the sight of it. A pearl of precum glistened on the tip, glinting slightly in the dim light.

Unable to wait any longer, he pressed his body against hers. His cool, hard flesh was met with her warm, yielding silkiness and they both groaned at the contact. His erection twitched against her belly and Bella shifted her hips against him, providing the most delicious friction.

"Bella," he whispered in a voice he did not recognize. "I've got to…I want you…_now_."

"Yes," she answered simply. He lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist, her slick entrance teasing the head of his cock with the motion. One tiny thrust was all it would take to be buried inside of her.

Instead, he carried her toward her bedroom, kissing her on the way. Bella hands were tugging at his hair and her body was writhing against his. He hesitated when he spotted the bed.

"So help me, Edward, if you stop now I just might kill you," Bella warned, licking a blazing path up the side of his throat. Her legs tightened around him in warning.

He didn't answer her with words, merely lowering her to the bed and then leaning down to blanket her with his body. His fingers traced up her thighs and then moved between them.

"You're wet for me," he murmured. "So wet, Bella."

Her slender fingers closed around his cock. "You're hard for me. So hard, Edward." She smiled against his mouth as she echoed his words.

His thumb toyed with her clit and her hips surged up against him. Fire ignited in his belly, his balls, his cock. Edward grunted and thrust gently against her, his erection slipping in between her thighs.

"Bella?" His voice was no more than a raspy whisper. "Are you sure?" He had to ask; he had to make sure. Once they took this step, he knew there was no going back.

He was a vampire and she was his mate. Somehow he would have to find a way to claim her. Giving her his body was just the next step. But in truth, he wanted all of her…forever.

Would this new Bella still want that? Was she willing to risk her soul to share her life with him?

Then she shifted against him and all coherent thoughts skittered away.

"More than okay," she whispered urgently. "More than sure…" Then her hand moved up and down his length. "I want you inside of me now."

With a groan of surrender and need, he pushed into her. Her body welcomed him with heat and wet silk, clasping around him almost painfully tight. "Fuck," he ground out between clenched teeth. "So good."

She moaned her agreement, squeezing him with her muscles as her hands pressed against his ass, encouraging him to move. "I won't break," she murmured. "You won't hurt me."

Her strange word choice made him still for a moment but then his body took over. Thrust. Retreat. Every movement accompanied by a small sigh of contentment from her, a muted growl from him. Slowly, he made a place for himself inside of her body, while she carved out a portion of his heart for hers.

Give and take. "Faster, Edward," she urged him. "I need it." She licked his ear and the flames burned brighter.

"I never knew…" he hissed. His movements quickened, lost their smooth rhythm. Bella matched his thrusts with her own, her small warm hands pulling at him, her legs wrapped around his waist, heels pressing urgently into his ass, anchoring him to the reality of the act.

He was making her his.

"Bella, baby…"

"Unh." She was beyond words now, her hips rolling up to meet his, her eyes halfway closed, her hands clutching at him.

"I'm going to…" He groaned as he felt her first spasms around him.

Bella gave a sharp cry, her nails raking at the hard flesh of his back. Given permission by her orgasm, he let his own claim him.

He exploded inside of her with a growl that shook the bed, but Bella was too far gone to notice. Shuddering, they both came down from their high. He remained inside of her, unsure that he'd ever find the strength to leave. He wanted to stay there…forever. Inside of his Bella.

_Make her yours_, a voice said. _Show her that she will always be yours. You can have forever._

Bella's voice was soft when she spoke, her hands smoothing his hair as she wrapped herself around him. "I love you, Edward…"

She slept.


End file.
